Hurt

Day three hundred thirty-three

Today started out looking like it would be a good day.  I am hopeful that it still can be a good day, but first I have to deal with some unpleasant business.  Something happened to me this morning that put a big old scratch across my rose-colored glasses and for some reason really hurt my feelings.  I am not an overly sensitive person, but there are some factors that make this one a little hard to swallow.

Throughout this year of scripture study I have been trying to apply the lessons I have learned to my life.  I have made an effort to work on character traits that I think are important to be a disciple of Christ.  Lately I have been working on humility.  I can't help but see the humility in the great men and women in the scriptures and think that there is room for improvement in my life. 

Humility encompasses a large area, so I chose one area within this trait to focus on: Humility in service.  My goal is to give service for the right reasons, not for reward or recognition.  When you seek after praise or gain for service, it seems to take away from the Spirit.  Service should enhance the Spirit, not take it away.

My goal would soon be tested.  I won't go into detail, but I was not comfortable with something that was asked of me.  I know that I am not alone in my feelings of awkwardness, others have expressed similar feelings, but I was the only one to express my concerns.

This brought about an Old Testament moment where I shared my beliefs and someone turned around and made fun of me.  It was not easy for me to share my concerns; I feared something like this would happen.  But after all I've been reading in the scriptures I felt like I would not be true to myself if I didn't speak up.  Besides these are fellow Christians, what could go wrong?

I think that's what hurt the most, that the people who were laughing were Christians.  We are supposed to stick together and build each other up, not tear each other down when we are trying so hard to do what is right.  I only know that this happened because there were a few people there that felt that it was inappropriate and said something to me.  I am grateful for their support, it means a lot to me.

So this happened when I wasn't there to defend myself.  When I heard about it I wasn't sure how I wanted to react.  I was hurt and not sure where to turn.  Luckily the Lord has been teaching me about prayer all year long and instead of getting defensive and retaliating I decided to pray about it.  I will admit that there were a few times during my prayer that I felt like crying, but I didn't want to give those that offended me the satisfaction (that's my stubbornness showing.)

There is something about heartfelt prayer that takes away the hurt.  By the time I was done praying the Lord had put things in perspective for me, and the realization that this incident means nothing in the long run was planted in my heart.  My eternal salvation does not depend on what these people think of me, it only matters what God thinks.  There is comfort in that truth for me.

I will be around these same people again, but I can choose how I want to react.  I can choose to remain hurt and let it ruin my day and my relationships with these people, or I can wait and let the Spirit guide me in what I should do.  I think there is wisdom in the second choice.

This is not the first time that I have been made fun of for my beliefs and I am sure it won't be the last.  To be honest the more I look at this situation with a spiritual outlook, I see a test of humility being given.  I knew that I was not strong enough to deal with this on my own, I needed His help.  I had to humble myself and lean on the Lord (that's the way He likes it!)  I'm sure the Lord is looking at me saying, "Finally, she's getting it!"

I am grateful that God's love is more than enough to take away the hurt. I am grateful for His wisdom to put me in situations where I have to put what He is teaching me in action.  I am grateful for all the effort that He puts into my life.  I am grateful for the possibility of not just a good day, but a great day ahead.