Am I Worth It?

Self and Individual Worth

How do I define my worth?

For many years I was a stay at home mom.  Although I knew that I was doing exactly what the Lord wanted me to do, I felt a sense of letting the world down.  Many times when people would ask me what I did for a job I would state, "I am a stay at home mom."  Their disappointment was obvious from the looks on their faces.  You know the look, head tilted to one side, chin down, their eyes looking down the slope of their nose at you.  Then to  make sure that you completely understood their disappointment they would say something like, "Oh, that's nice." 

Sadly, there were times when I wished that I had said something else just to avoid the look and conversation that followed. As the boys got older the disappointment seemed to grow.  The common response was, "Your boys are old enough to take care of themselves. It's time for you to do something productive."  Ugh!  I thought being a mother was one of the most productive jobs in the world!  People just didn't get it.

After years of persevering through these moments I became somewhat immune to them.  Unfortunately, my husband would be subjected to ridicule for being married to a stay at home mom.  "Why doesn't your wife get a job?" or "She just sits around eating bonbons all day while you are working?" are just a few of the lines that my husands coworkers used.  I think it hurt me more that they tried to make him feel bad about the choice we had made when our children were born to have a parent at home with them.  I worried that he would believe what people told him and that in his eyes my worth would be diminished.   He is a good man, and although I know that he had his moments of frustration, he stood up for me.  In those moments I would think to myself, "Am I worth it? Am I worthy of his defense?"  These two questions would come to help me understand how I value myself. 

When my boys were teenagers I would be called to be a seminary teacher in my church.  This experience would forever change my love for the scriptures and for myself.  For the first time in my life I would study the scriptures so intensely that the impact on me would be profound.  I began to better understand who I am, why my life is the way it is, and how much I am loved. 

I think it was the study of the Atonement that affected my self worth the most.  As I studied the last week of Christ's earthly life, I found myself overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. Reading about His suffering in D&C 19:16-19 brought me to tears:

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit--and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink--Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men."

Why would Christ do this for me?

"Remember that the worth of a soul is great in the sight of God" (D&C 18:10)

This brought two questions to my mind: Am I worth it? and Am I worthy of His defense? 

This has become the standard for which I base my self and individual worth.  Am I living a life to be worthy of the sacrifice He made for me?  When I stand before God to be judged and Christ stands as my advocate, will I deserve the efforts that He is putting forth?  This is what motivates me to be the best me I can be; God's love for me.  Nothing else matters.  What the world thinks of me will not matter in the end.  What will matter is how true to God I have been.  Am I loving God back as much as He loves me?  I don't know if that is possible, but I do know that He will take into account the intent of my heart when my mortal limitations step in. 

I am the child of a God that loves me enough to send His son to die for me.  He thinks I am worth it, so should I.  Saint Augustine said, "God loves each of us as if there were only one of us."  I know this to be true.  What an amazing thought to carry with you throughout the day! 

What difference would it make in your life if you learned to know this for yourself? You have self worth, you are worth it.  This knowledge will not take away your trials or hardships, but it may give you a different perspective in which to see them.  Knowing that you are worth His sacrifice can help you understand your importance to God's plan and give you the strength to withstand the condescending looks from people that don't even understand their own worth, yet are judging yours. 

Are you worth it?  The answer is an emphatic YES!

Connecting Spirit to Spirit

Divine Nature

This week’s topic in sacrament was Divine Nature. In my search for understanding I was led to the Second book of Peter in the New Testament. This book contains the words that Peter felt he needed to say before he died. In chapter 1 verses 14-15 he states, "Knowing that shortly I must put off this my tabernacle... Moreover I will endeavour that ye may be able after my decease to have these things always in remembrance." This is the message that Peter thought most important to leave the world before he left it. Knowing this makes me realize that I should probably pay attention to what he is saying.

In the first chapter he will cover spiritual maturity; in the second, a warning against false teachers; and in the third, the promise of Jesus' return. I find it interesting that Peter chooses to talk about the importance of Christian maturity and growth first.

This prompted me to think about where I stand in spiritual maturity.  If you had to rate yourself on a scale from 1-10, 1 being a "spiritual simpleton" and 10 being a "spiritual scholar"...how would you rate yourself?

At first, I put myself somewhere in the middle around a 5, but after I started digging into this topic I started to feel more like I was in the 3 or 4 area. The Lord has a way of keeping me humble! 

So what does Peter have to say about divine nature that he wants us to remember? 

"Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." (2 Peter 1:4) 

Are you aware that you can partake (participate, take part in, enjoy) of the divine nature? I never really thought of myself as a participant in the divine nature. But here it is in the Bible, and it is thought provoking.

In the Young Woman's Personal Progress booklet of the Church we are given this little tidbit of information about divine nature:

"I have inherited divine qualities..." If we inherit or are given divine qualities then what are we partaking of? We are taught that we are spirit children of heavenly parents (Romans 8:16) and as such, we have within us some of their divine qualities. We are spiritual beings living in mortal bodies (1 Cor 3:16-17). Is inheriting the same as partaking? Peter's wording doesn't say that we are automatically "partakers", he says "that by these ye might be partakers."

The statement from the Young Woman's Personal Progress book continues with, "...which I will strive to develop." Okay, here is something we can participate in, take part in, and enjoy; improving on the qualities we have been given. Is that what Peter meant in his statement? Is that what it means to be a "partaker"?

Let's go back to verse 4. Peter said that we are "partakers of the divine nature" when we "escape the corruption that is in the world through lust." President David O. McKay said it means "to rise above the temporal, the sensual, and partake of the divine Spirit of God." (CR, Oct. 1961, p. 90.)

Well there is a connection that I hadn't made in the past; divine nature and the Spirit of God (the Holy Ghost). How does my divine nature improve when I am a partaker of the Spirit of God? What happens when I allow my spirit to connect with God's Spirit?

Peter tells us that we escape worldliness (2 Peter 1:4), but there is so much more that happens. The scriptures tell us that when we partake of the Spirit of God we can be blessed with wisdom, understanding, knowledge (Ex 31:3), given the gift of prophecy (1 Sam 10:10), know the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16), have discernment (Moses 1:27), and freedom (Alma 61:15). Spiritual gifts are given to us through the Spirit of God (1 Cor 12:8-11), gifts that we need to complete the tasks that God has asked us to do. Partaking of the divine nature means tapping into the ultimate power source!

Are you seeing a pattern here? We become more Christ-like when we partake of the Spirit. Everything about us gets better and who wouldn't want that? The scriptures tell us that even our countenance will change when we allow our divine nature to grow (Alma 5:14). That's right, we even look better when we partake of the Spirit!

This partaking of God's divine nature through spirit to spirit communication makes perfect sense to me.  I think it goes along with what Peter is saying in this chapter:

"Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:" (2 Pet 1:10)

What great promises Peter gives us: escaping corruption, the ability to have God work through us, and the assurance that we won't fall away from God.  What more could we ask for!

I have a new found appreciation for that part of me that is divine and a heart filled with gratitude for a God that would allow me to tap into His divine nature to improve myself in such a personal way, Spirit to Spirit.  The best part of me connecting with a part of Him!

Once again His love for me overwhelms me and His greatness humbles me. Peter was a wise man, these are truly things to remember. 

Forgiving Myself

I am one of those people that sits in sacrament meeting and has to make myself stay focused on what is being said.  I have a short attention span (which is probably why I work with the youth) and to top it off I am a high energy person, so sitting for an hour is hard for me to do.  Sitting and listening is torture!  What is a person to do?

To help me get more out of sacrament meetings I started using a journal and writing things down that interested me.  If I am having a particularly hard time focusing (which is most Sundays) I use my scriptures and start to investigate the topic of the week.  This is good for me, it keeps me busy, and it gives me a topic to think about during the week.

This week the main topic was forgiveness.  Talks about forgiveness tend to be about forgiving others.  This is important, but I find it easier to forgive others than I do to forgive myself. Is that weird? I am harder on myself, I know what I am capable of, and when I don't meet the expectations I tend to beat myself up.  This is the topic of forgiveness that I need to learn about:  Forgiving Myself.

As usual, I went to the scriptures.  One of the scriptures I came across stuck with me:  "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." (Col 3:13)

It's the "even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye" that hits home.  Why is it okay for Christ to forgive me, but not for me to forgive myself?  Is it hypocritical for me to hold on to those feelings that come with sin when Christ has already paid the price for them?  Am I being disrespectful to the power of the Atonement when I don't forgive myself?

Jeremiah 31:34 states, "...for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." God chooses not to bring up our sin to Himself or others. So why do we?  When we don't forgive ourselves and choose not to forget, we are dwelling on the sin, not the sacrifice Christ made for us. 

Forgiving ourselves can be deeply healing. In 2 Corinthians 2:7 we read, "So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow." We can apply this to how we feel about ourselves. Until we forgive ourselves, we will focus on our sorrow, regret, and shame.  Wouldn't it be more productive to fill our minds with thoughts of the awesome God who forgave us and thank and praise Him for it. Remembering our sins is only beneficial when it reminds us of the extent of God’s forgiveness and makes it easier for us to forgive others (Matt 18:21-35).

It is sometimes difficult to remember that the way we see ourselves is not an accurate picture of how Christ sees us. When we are forgiven He sees us as a step closer to perfection, yet many of us tend to stay focused on the affects of the sin.  Is that basically denying the work that He did for us during the atonement?

Mahatma Gandhi said, "The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."  I think this is true, especially when it comes to forgiving oneself.  As long as we hold on and do not allow the atonement to do it's work, we are only weaken ourselves.  How can we progress if we keep holding on to the past? It is when we have the confidence in God and in ourselves to let go and move on that we feel the strength that comes from removing the burden. 

I am starting to see the damage that is done when I don't forgive myself.  My relationship with God suffers, my progression suffers, and I allow my weaknesses to overcome my strengths.  What a great target I become for Satan to jump in and work on me!  What the heck am I thinking?!

What great gifts we are given in the atonement: the ability to be forgiven, to strengthen ourselves against Satan, to come one step closer to perfection, and to strengthen our relationship with God.  I have been wasting so much time and energy on not letting go, that I haven't allowed the full power of these gifts to be a part of my life.  What a shame.

I've decided that I am not going to dwell on what I haven't done, instead I am going to focus on asking for forgiveness and then MOVE ON!  I want the full blessings of the atonement in my life, really I need them in my life.  I want to have the attribute of forgiveness and be strong!  I want God to know that I believe in Him.  I want to move closer to perfection and I can when I truly forgive myself.