Our Choices Make a Difference

Agency


Lately, it feels like the world is sending the message that choosing to do the right thing, being a righteous person, is a death sentence to an exciting life. What a sad message to send to a generation that seems to be groping for clarity on the moral issues of the day.


Not too long ago, the media covered the story of a well known actress who stated “You can learn so much from bad things. I feel boring.  I feel like, why is everything so easy for me? I can’t wait for something to (bad word) happen to me. Just life. I want something to (more bad words) me over! Do you know what I mean?”

I found myself feeling disappointed by that statement.  I thought to myself, no, I don’t know what she means.  She’s a huge Hollywood movie star, how boring can her life be? 

As I thought about it more I began to wonder if she understood the impact her words could have on others, especially her young fans.  Why would she make such a statement knowing that there are millions of teenage girls that look up to her and dream of having such a life?  How will her ‘craving for something to excite her life’ make her fans feel about their own lives?  It is hard enough to be a good person; having influential people call you boring doesn’t help! 

Unfortunately, her statement is just a reflection of so many others.  Reality TV would have us believe that if our lives aren’t filled with drama then we are boring.  There are more shows about teen pregnancy, wild party lives, and corrupt organizations then there are about good people, doing good things.  Why is that?

This negative outlook on being good is nothing new.  It has been around for a while, but the growing movement to publicize it and make it seem normal is alarming to me. I worry about how all of this drama will affect the young people in the world.

I am not alone in my concern. Jack R. Christianson wrote a book titled “What’s so bad about being good?” The purpose of the book is to explore the benefits of being good and doing good. There were a few statements from the book that stood out to me as I was thinking about the messages the world is sending out:

We may not be able to change the world, but we can change our world.

By believing that human beings are of great worth, we can change the world.

A truly good person respects others as individuals of great worth; thus my fellow human beings are at least my equal and perhaps even my superior in some ways.

My life is my message ~ Gandhi

Did you notice a theme?  Good people tend to think about others.  They choose to make a positive difference in the lives of others.  It’s not all about them!

I am a Christian and so I believe in being like Christ.  He is the perfect example of what I can become. I am so grateful for the message His life gives, it is filled with hope.  What an important message that is so desperately needed in today’s society. What a great goal for all of us, to leave a message of hope through our lives.

I also believe that you don’t have to be a Christian to be a good person and do good. All people have the ability to do good, they just have to choose to do it. This means making a conscience effort to think about how our actions and words affect others we come in contact with.

I think our young actress got in trouble because she was thinking of herself.  It was about her experiences and not about what she could do for others.  She would soon come to regret the words she had stated.  We find her suffering the consequences for the “bad thing” she would choose to do.  She would cheat on her boyfriend with a married man.

There has been some serious backlash from the public that once adored her.  I wonder what she could have gained if she had chosen to use her influence to serve others and learn more about herself through positive experiences.  How many lives could she have influenced to do good by being a good example? She has only added to the lie that you must have drama in your life to be somebody. 

In contrast to the story of our young actress, I found the story of a seventeen year old young man named Helmuth Hubener.  He and two of his friends would fight the lies of the Nazi party during World War II by creating anti-Nazi pamphlets and placing them in public places for everyone to see. He chose to do the right thing in spite of the drama around him.  His hope was to share the truth so that the drama would end. I think he would have preferred a little more ‘boring’ and ‘easy’ in his life. Instead, he would use his talents and resources for good even if it meant the end of his life.  His choices still influence people today.

It is not my intention to embarrass or chastise the young actress, that would be judgmental and self righteous.  Instead I am trying to see the lesson that can be learned from her actions.  We have all made mistakes.  We will all suffer consequences.  We have an opportunity to learn from her mistake and hopefully not make the same one.

If Gandhi is right and our lives are our message, then now is a good time to decide what message we would like to leave.  We have the chance to stop and reflect on our own actions and decide if there are changes we need to make. It doesn’t matter if you are famous or living an ordinary ‘boring” life, your choices make a difference, they influence the people around you for good or bad. As the young actress said in her statement, “You can learn so much from the bad things”, while that is true, I believe you can learn so much more from the good things.

The Feeling of Dread

Holy Ghost

Lately I've been thinking about the times when the Spirit has prompted me to do something and my reaction is not what is described as feelings of comfort and peace, but instead, I am overcome with a feeling of dread.  Maybe you have experienced it too. It's that nervous feeling you get and your stomach turns, you're scared, and you try to come up with all sorts of reasons NOT to do what you are being asked to do.  Does that make me a bad Christian?

I know that the Lord asks us to do things that seem beyond our capabilities or don't make sense at the time, but it seems like no one wants to talk about the feelings they have when it brings discomfort instead of peace. It's like there's something wrong with you if you question what you are being asked to do. People make you feel like you don't have enough faith.

Fortunately, the scriptures are filled with stories of God asking His children to take a giant leap of faith and trust Him; to step beyond their own reason and do what He asks, even if it doesn't make sense at the time. He has given us plenty of examples to follow.

One of my favorite examples of this is the story of Nephi and Laban.  Nephi has been sent to get the brass plates from Laban.  However, Laban is not going to give them up without a fight.  When Nephi stumbles upon a drunken Laban he is told to slay him. It is obvious that Nephi is not feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.  Instead the scriptures tell us, "And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him?" (1 Ne 4:10) 

As one author put it, "Nephi was horrified at the prospect of having to kill his kinsman, but he had to have the plates so he could fulfill a portion of his life mission--a mission that he did not fully understand at that point." (Randal A Wright Achieving Your Life Mission)

What about Mary, the Mother of Jesus? What was her reaction to the news that she would give birth to the Son of God?

When Gabriel spoke to Mary, her first reaction was to be a little disturbed.  Luke says that Mary was "greatly troubled" --filled with inner commotion and turmoil (Luke 1:28-29). Who could blame her? I think most of us would have been freaked out by an angel visiting us, let alone the message that you would bear God's son.

Then there is Moses in the Old Testament, who when God called him to lead His people out of Egypt, responded with, "Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?" (Exodus 3:11)

How about the men that were asked to leave their sick families and travel across the world to preach the gospel.  The Spirit had confirmed their need to go, but still the brethren used words like "difficulty", "it felt as though my very inmost parts would melt within me", "I felt as though I could not endure it" in their journals to describe their feelings (Life of Heber C. Kimball).  This was a tough thing they were being asked to do and it did not bring them comfort and peace.

These are just a few examples; the scriptures are filled with many more. With so many examples of feeling uncomfortable when prompted by the Spirit you would think that people would talk about it more.  Instead, there is a fear of judgment that comes with expressing feelings of dread regarding spiritual promptings.  There is a fear that people will think you are less spiritual or less committed to God's cause if you aren't gung ho about everything He asks you to do.  It is unrealistic to think that we should never feel apprehension when dealing with God.  Prophets have struggled with it since Old Testament times.

I don't think it makes someone a bad Christian because they want to ponder on a prompting instead of jump right in.  Sometimes the process of finding out for ourselves is just as important as the task that needs to be done. 

So what are we supposed to do when we have such a reaction to the whisperings of the Spirit?

I think step one is not to focus on the fact that we aren't feeling warm and fuzzy inside about a prompting from the Spirit, but to ask ourselves what are we going to do about it?

Really, we have two choices: Do it or don't do it. Either way we have to consider that we will have to live with the consequences of that choice.  Take a minute and think about the examples that I listed above.  What would have happened had Nephi not taken the leap of faith and killed Laban?  What if Mary was too afraid and said no? What if Moses had given up on the children of Israel?  What if the missionaries hadn't shared the gospel with all those families?  What would happen if you decided not to follow the prompting?  Would it make a difference in the lives of those around you?

When I realize that whatever the Lord is asking me to do is bigger than me, and has the opportunity to change another's life, it seems easier to take the leap of faith. I have often asked myself, "Is fear a good enough reason not to do something?"

After I have pondered the consequences I take it to the Lord in prayer.  Most of my experiences have ended with a confirmation that I really do need to do it, but there have been times when, like Nephi, Mary, Moses, and the missionaries, I have just had to do it and hope that the Lord will cover any weaknesses that I might have.  When I lack enough strength of my own, it is through their stories that I find the strength to move forward. 

Over the years, and with each experience, it has gotten easier to follow the promptings of the Spirit.  However, every once in a while a situation comes up that throws me off and those feelings of dread reappear. I've decided it's okay to have these experiences, because the process of working through it brings me closer to God, and isn't that the real goal of every good Christian? 

Priesthood and Marriage

Priesthood

I struggled with what I wanted to write about the priesthood.  Although I grew up in the church, my father was not a member, and I did not have the opportunity to have all the blessings that come with having the priesthood in your home.  All those stories that people share of the father's blessings or the blessings for the sick that their father gave them, I cannot fully relate to.  It was a different situation for me.

The priesthood was and is important to me.  I listened to the talks and the lessons about the priesthood with great interest as a child and young woman. I loved the scriptures that discussed what a righteous priesthood holder would be like.  My favorite scriptures on the priesthood are in Doctrine and Covenants 121:39-44:

"We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.  Hence many are called, but few are chosen.  No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;  By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—  Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."

Eventhough I did not have the priesthood in my home growing up I knew that it was something that I wanted to have in my own home someday. Who wouldn't want a man who would show unfeigned love, kindness, pure knowledge, gentleness and meekness?

This is the part where I introduce my husband, Jim.  He is a convert to the church and his path to the priesthood has not always been easy, but I shared an experience with him this weekend that showed me that he truly is a righteous priesthood holder and is there when I need him most.

I will not look too good in this story. I am not proud of my behavior and I don't think my first reaction to being reproved was what it should have been.  However, I feel like I should share the experience because my husbands reaction to the situation truly increased the strength of my marriage.  We both came away understanding each other a little better and on my part, I loved my husband more than ever.  (Well after I got over myself.)

Saturday was my niece's dance recital at the Rolling Hills Community Church in Tualatin.  The recital started at 1pm and we left the house around 12:15pm. Forty-five minutes seemed like plenty of time to get there. I started out feeling like this would be a nice drive and a chance to visit with my husband.

Well, my lovely vision would quickly change as we ran into traffic.  Out of nowhere I became frustrated with the situation. I am usually pretty mellow about stuff like that, but this time I could not control my emotions.  I started to get angry with Jim because he remained so calm through it all.  Couldn't he see that this was important to me? Didn't he know that I hated to be late?  Why was he so dang calm?  I couldn't stand it!  He is usually the one that has no patience for traffic, yet he would not feed my little tirade.  Was he mocking me? What was his problem! 

Through all my snippyness he remained calm and in a mellow voice would tell me that it would be alright and I shouldn't worry.  I of course was not appeased and so gave him the silent treatment. Who was he to tell me to calm down? It was usually me who had to tell him to calm down.  I didn't like this scenario at all.  I sighed and groaned just to let him know I wasn't happy with the situation.  He just kept driving. 

The worse part is that even when we got there, with time to spare, I was having a hard time letting go of my feelings.  As we sat through the recital and I started to calm down, I started to think about how I had behaved and the contention that I was causing.  I even said to myself, "You are driving the Spirit away! Get a grip woman!"

We had a good time at the recital and then we had the trip home.  Secretly I was hoping that he would not say anything about the drive there, but I also knew that I owed him an apology.  He was the perfect man I needed him to be on the way home.  He simply said, "You were a little snippy on the way there, it was wierd because it's so unlike you, usually it's me. Are you okay?" 

What a sweet man he is.  His gentle reproof gave me the opening to share what I had been experiencing and the opportunity to apologize.  Had he become angry or belittled me I would have shut down and the situation would have gotten even worse.  Instead he showed me unfeigned love, gentleness, meekness, kindness and the wisdom that comes with pure knowledge.  He invited the Spirit to be with us and guided me through the situation.  My admiration and respect for him grew a ton that day. I was once again reminded of the importance of a righteous priesthood holder in my life.

 His faithfulness inspired me and gave me the opportunity to bask in the awesomeness of the man I love.  How blessed I am to have a man in my life that loves the Lord and is willing to take the time to teach me and correct me when I need it, and to do it in such a loving way.  He suffered through my temper tantrum and through persuasion led me back to where I needed to be. His words and actions were a reflection of Christ that day.  He built me up instead of tearing me down. I will be forever grateful to him and to God for showing me the power that the priesthood can bring to a marriage. I am truly blessed.

School of Adversity

Adversity

I have been thinking a lot about adversity lately.  Probably because I find myself buried so deep in it right now. Adversity is hard to ignore and I'm not sure how this works, but it always seems to attract more adversity. I think it is called the "Rule of Threes".  Trouble always seems to come in threes! This is not a new idea, Job describes this situation when he says, "Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble. (Job 14:1) Now is a time full of trouble!

While I was out walking with my son the other day the topic of discussion was his plans for school now that he had completed his Associates Degree.  We talked about the challenges that he had overcome to get to this point and what might lay ahead. As we talked I started to get an idea for my blog regarding adversity. This thought came to me:  Life is the school of adversity.

When we are young we are sent to school to be educated.  There we are taught lessons each day that help us master reading, writing, arithmetic, science and several other topics. As we become proficient in a topic we are given the opportunity to expand our knowledge to the next level.  The work gets harder and our abilities get stronger.

This pattern of learning in a school setting carries with us into other parts of our lives. If we want to be more marketable in the workforce, we further our education with the college experience. If we want to learn to fence, we take classes at our local recreation center. If we want to learn more about the scriptures, we attend church classes that focus on the scriptures.  It seems pretty straight forward.

It makes sense then, that if we want to learn to be more like Christ, then we need to be schooled in adversity.  We are very fortunate to have a God that is the perfect instructor.  He knows what we need and tailors each adversity we face to help us increase our knowledge.  We have a textbook. He has given us instructions in the scriptures to aid us in our lessons on adversity.  We even have 24 hour tech support.  He has given us a personal hot line (prayer) we can use to call on Him for advice to get us through our adversities. 

As I thought about this more, I began to wonder if it is possible to flunk in the school of adversity.  We shouldn't spend too much time and energy on ways to fail, but it is important to know what NOT to do.

How to fail the school of adversity:

1. Get confused by adversity. (D&C 122:7)
2. Become bitter because of problems. (Moroni 7:11-12)
3. Fall apart, completely disintegrate. (2 Tim 1:7)
4. Respond with anger and be filled with hatred. (Pro 15:18)
5. Give up, abandon all the good things you come across. (D&C 63:20)
6. Backslide. (Jer 2:19)
7. Make statements of failure by wrong speaking. (Eph 4:31)
8. Be discouraged. (Deut 1:21)

The Lord does not want us to be a failure in the school of adversity. So what can we do to succeed at defeating adversity in this life.
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1. In time of peace, prepare for war. Put on the whole Armour of God as the scriptures say. It may seem awkward at first as we learn how to place each piece of armour on for maximum coverage.  It may even seem like the armour is too big or too small, but the Lord assures us that it is just the right size. It just takes practice to get it right. (Eph 6:10-18; D&C 27:15-18)

2. Don’t be distracted. (1 Cor 7:35) There are many distracted people around. They take their minds away from the most important things.  There are also many people who will try to distract you from your education on adversity.

There is a story of a young king, who wanted to kill an old king.  The young king said to the old king, “I will give you a test, if you pass, l will not execute you." The test was this, he was to carry a glass full of water from the top of the palace to the market place. The young king arranged two rows of people on either side of the street. The people on one side were praising the old king while the ones on the second side were criticizing and abusing him. He carried the water, moved on, and successfully took it to the market. When he was asked the secret of his success he said, “I just concentrated on the water because I knew my life depended on it." He did not care about the praises or the abuses. Great lesson for us!

 3. Be cautious about comfort. (Zephaniah 1:12)  Are you comfortable?  I hope so. You should be. Comfort and peace are great blessings from the Lord.  However, sometimes comfort can be a stumbling block. Sometimes comfort can rob us of our strength and dependence on God.  Comfort can make a person become spiritually lazy. (D&C 64:33)

Think of a man who is so comfortable in his life with so few problems that he doesn't do much of anything let alone worry about anything. He relaxes and enjoys life. He also becomes weak and dependent upon his routine and life. So too the person who is very comfortable in his life, can also become weak and dependent upon the securities of life instead of the Lord. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable, unless that comfort makes us depend on God less and causes us to become complacent about what's going on around us.

4. We never face adversity alone. (John 14:26) There is strength in numbers and two is better than one. We are taught that even if it is just us and God, that is enough to overcome anything. We cannot lose with God on our side. What better ally could we have? 

This makes me think of Daniel in the lions den.  Because he had God on his side he was not truly alone when the people threw him into the den.  The Lord provided a way for him to remain safe by sending an angel. We may not have a heavenly angel appear to save us, but the Spirit will prompt those we need to be there when necessary.  We all have earthly angels in our lives.

5. Don't be afraid to ask questions. (D&C 75:11) We are admonished to pray always. If you have questions that only God can answer, then you need to pray and ask Him. Ask and you shall receive (James 1:5). The key to this is learning to ask the right questions!

If you want to know what questions to ask God read the Psalms.  You might be surprised what you learn, I was! The questions asked in the Psalms aren't about what God is trying to teach the person through adversity, but questions that allow the full release of the anguish which is in one's soul. They are questions based on the reality of human frailty and our lack of understanding.  The honesty modeled in the Psalms is the way to improve the effectiveness of our communication with God.

6. Crack open the books. (Joshua 1:8) There is no adversity that we can face today that has not been faced in the past.  What a blessing this is!  The scriptures are filled with the stories of people and their adversities. We are given examples of the right way and the wrong way to deal with our challenges.  It's like the Lord gave us the answers before the test! 

To make it easier on yourself you might want to mark those scriptures that pertain to your current challenge so that when it comes up again you will already have a reference.  If you do this with each challenge you face imagine the improved usefulness your scriptures will be for you and for those that the Lord has placed in your life! 

Whether you are still in the beginning phase of your education on adversity or you are working on your PhD, this advice works. Try it and find out for yourself. The school of adversity is tough and with each level we master, there is yet another to overcome.  It helps to remember that our Instructor knows us better than we know ourselves and will never give us more than we are ready for.  Just be the best student you can be!

The Book Test

The Book Of Mormon

As a fan of books, I love the experience that comes when you find that perfect comfy spot, where the lighting is just right, the chair has the perfect coziness, the noise is minimal, and you lose yourself in an incredible world brought to you by the words on the pages. I'm sure Heaven will be filled with these perfect comfy spots.   

It takes a really good book to draw me into its world. I am one of those readers that can't stand to be disappointed by an ending that is too sugary sweet. Give me reality! I'm a big girl,  I can take it!  I hate when the beginning of a book is so filled with promise only to be undone by the inconsistencies in the story or the unbelievability of the events. Don't even get me started on the development of characters that seem to defy human nature.  

If the author wants me to give my time to read their book, they better plan on writing a book that keeps my attention and ultimately helps me see the world a little differently.  I love books that give me something to think about, that help me think outside the box, that give me pause to question what I am doing and can help me do it better.  I am filled with questions about all kinds of topics. If a book can help me answer some of those questions and give me insight then I am willing to give it a read.  Besides, everyone needs a perspective change every now and then! 

In order to prevent a time-wasting experience, I devised a system that seems to help me avoid the time wasting books and takes me straight to the books that enjoyably help me lose track of time.  It isn't foolproof, there have been a few authors that have made it under my radar, but for the most part it has been a success.

Here is the test: First, I read a few paragraphs on the first page.  Then, I go to the back of the book and read a little of the last page.  If the promise of what happens in between the first and the last pages seems stimulating, then it is worth the read. I know that there will be some people that think I spoil the story by reading from the last page; not true.  Rarely does the last page give away the complete plot of the book, instead it tends to be a teaser of what is to come.

This last Sunday at church the topic in sacrament meeting was a book. Not just any book, but the Book of Mormon. I have read this book, in fact, I am currently reading it with my family.  As I sat in the pew and my mind began to wonder (I have a short attention span), the thought popped into my head, would the Book of Mormon pass my book test? Well of course I had to try it out!

I started with the First Book Of Nephi chapter 1 verse 1:

"I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days."
  
From this one verse I get:

This book will include the personal story of this man Nephi.  I like true stories. 

He had good parents, which means that I might be able to glean some parenting tips from this book.  

There is a possibility that I could learn some life lessons as Nephi was taught somewhat in all the learning of his father.

Nephi suffered afflictions, I've suffered afflictions, maybe we have some common ground.  Maybe I can learn to deal with my afflictions through learning of his.

I am intrigued with the thought that Nephi thought of himself as highly favored of the Lord.  What does that entail?  Maybe I will find that I too am highly favored of the Lord.

Nephi will discuss his knowledge of the goodness of God and also the mysteries of God.  This would be the deal maker for me.  I could learn more about God and His mysteries, who could resist that!

So far so good.  The beginning has promise, but how would the ending fair?

Moroni 10:34:

"And now I bid unto all, farewell. I soon go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. Amen."

The first thing that caught my attention is that it is no longer Nephi speaking, it is a man named Moroni. I would like to know how we get from Nephi to Moroni.

Moroni is talking of his death.  Maybe I could learn more about how to prepare for death, how to die well, and what happens after I die.

He believes he is going to paradise.  Where is paradise, what is it like, and what do you have to do to get there? These are things I have thought about before, it would be nice to learn more about them.   

Moroni talks of his spirit and body reuniting. He is talking about resurrection.  Having never been resurrected I find this topic fascinating, definitely worth reading to find out more about resurrection.

I find it interesting that he says "to meet you".  Will I someday meet the man Moroni? Does he truly believe that he will meet me?  How will we meet and why does he want to meet me?

Lastly, when Moroni uses the title 'the Eternal Judge' I get a sense that there will be some discussion about Judgement Day.  I am always up for learning more about how I will be judged, who will judge me, and what is expected of me.

I think the Book of Mormon definitely passes the book test! Look at all the topics that are discussed in just these two verses, imagine what would be in the rest of the book!

The truth is you don't have to imagine, you can read it for yourself. If you have never read the Book of Mormon from the first verse to the last verse you are missing out.  I know this because I have read it and each time I read it I learn something new. 

I will be honest with you, there are some parts of this book that will challenge you to finish it.  There is a joke in seminary about how many times Lehi and his family have been left in the wilderness because the reading gets a little challenging. The challenge comes not from trying to read the book, the words are not difficult, but from the desire you will have to really understand what it is saying to you. It is not always obvious what the writer is trying to tell you, sometimes the message is subtle and has to be sought after. Searching for those answers takes time and slows the pace of your reading. Diligence and patience are tools to use when reading the Book of Mormon.

Other times you will find it easy to liken the scriptures unto yourself and wishing that you could have been there to experience what the people are experiencing, like the events in 3 Nephi. There will be times when you will find it easier to relate to the people in the Book of Mormon. One thing that surprised me was the personal attachment I found with some of the people in the stories.  You can't help but feel the pain of Moroni as he watches his people destroy themselves and the loneliness he must have felt as he wandered trying to keep safe.  Or the frustration Nephi must have experienced as he faced the obnoxiousness of his siblings. (We have all been in those shoes!)

I know that there will be a few people who read this post and will say, "Hello Dawn, we know you and your enthusiasm for the scriptures, we are not anything like you."  You don't have to be a 'scripture geek', as I have come to be known, to get something out of the Book of Mormon.

I promise you that it doesn't matter who you are, there is truly something for everyone in the Book of Mormon.  Take the time to read it and to find those verses and stories that speak to you.  You will not be disappointed, you will not feel that you are wasting your time.  Instead, you will find a resource that brings you closer to God not only through the text, but through the process of reading it.  And that is truly the greatest blessing of the Book of Mormon.   

   

The Art of Making Excuses

Accountability

There once was a man who made a great supper and invited many friends.  When everything was ready he sent his servant to gather his friends.  But instead of coming, his friends began to make excuses. 

The first friend said, I have bought some land and I need to go and see it. Please excuse me.

And another said, I have bought some animals and I need to go and get them.  Please excuse me.

And another said, I got married and we can't make it.

So the servant returns and tells his master what the friends said. The master becomes angry and tells the servant, Go out into the streets and invite the poor, the hurt, the lame, and the blind.

The servant does as his master ordered and returns.  He says, Master, I invited those you wanted me too and there is still room. 

The master tells the servant, Go out in the streets and pathways and urge them to come in so that the house will be filled.

The master finishes with, None of the friends that were sent for shall taste of this supper.

Does this story sound familiar?  It is based on a parable that Jesus taught in the house of the Pharisee (Luke 14:16-24).  I think it should be called the Lame Excuses Parable.

The part of the story that caught my attention is the excuses that the friends make.  Have you ever been like the friends and made up an excuse to get out of something? (Guilty as charged!)  Or maybe you have been in the position of the master and have been stood up by people with lame excuses. (I hate that!)

What is it about us that creates the need to make excuses? 

It all starts when we are children.  I can remember my mother coming into the room after hearing some noise that was obviously not good and asking what happened. My mind quickly came up with some excuse that would take the blame off of me.  Even better, I think of all the times my parents asked me why I didn't do something they asked me to do and I came up with the brilliant excuse, I forgot! 

I have to admit that there are some times when I giggle at the many creative ways that people try to get out of their responsibilities. There are some people that have taken excuse making to a new level. They have mastered the art of making excuses.  Then there are those that obviously haven't thought it through, these provide us with a bit of entertainment: 

church excuse: I can't go to church, church gives me gas! (what?)

  

work excuse: My dog has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.

diet excuse: If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

While these excuses are entertaining, the real reason we make excuses is that we want to avoid the consequences.

We all face a lifetime of learning about the consequences that come with the choices we make. We relish in the pleasant consequences and endure through the extremely painful ones. And yes, there are time we are all guilty of trying to avoid the consequences.

 
Facing the consequences means we have to take accountability for our choices, and that can be difficult sometimes, especially in today's world.  Accountability means not only taking responsibility for how our actions have affected other people, but how they affect our relationship with God. The Lord has said that all people are responsible for their own motives, attitudes, desires, and actions. How are we applying that principle to ourselves?

Today we live in a world where the teachings of the scriptures are being mocked, ignored, and rejected by many in society. Instead of living life with the knowledge that we will be accountable to God, many people are seeking to make God accountable to them for their comfort and pleasure. They choose to live their lives by doing what is right in their own eyes. The prevailing attitude is 'Do your own thing. Whatever makes you happy. You are only accountable to yourself.' Where has this ideology left us?

This shift from a God-centered perspective in life to a man-centered perspective permeates all levels of society. We see the repercussions of this shift daily in the articles of the newspapers, magazines, Internet sites, and television programs we view. The headlines include attacks on the sacredness of marriage, crimes that are committed when selfishness overtakes selflessness, and the suffering of those less fortunate whom society has turned their back on. Sadly, we find this 'Do your own thing' attitude in our schools, communities, among our leaders, and even in our homes. The world is full of victims who fell prey to the enticings of the 'Do your own thing' mantra. 

 
What would change in society if instead of 'do your own thing' we would teach the proverb: 'Don't do what you'll have to find an excuse for'?  The problem is that we live in a society that has become very individualistic. One author stated, "The prevailing attitude is be your own man or woman, do your own thing, be your own boss, and often this attitude is promoted or stated in a way that undermines accountability to God and others. The scriptures in no way denies our individualism. Indeed, it promotes it, but in a way that holds us each accountable to others. Proper individualism leads to a certain amount of inventiveness, ingenuity, and freedom, but it can also breed license and irresponsibility without accountability. The fact is you can’t make disciples or produce growing and mature Christians without accountability. Accountability is one of the means God uses to bring about solid growth and maturity so that we can become what God has created us for."

With that in mind, let's go back to our parable and see what can happen if we never outgrow our excuse making stage.  Jesus does not explain the meaning of this parable, so we are left on our own. Here are some thoughts I had about it:

The great supper in the parable could represent the invitation of salvation that God extends to us and the future blessings we could have.  Who wouldn't want to experience that?

God wants all to be saved (1 Tim 2:3-6; Tit 2:11; 2 Pet 3:9). Sadly, not everyone who is invited will accept, some will instead make excuses. The excuses may involve things within themselves that are noble like; business responsibilities or family responsibilities.  The problem is that the priorities are misplaced and earthly matters are allowed to take priority over spiritual matters.

Many in the church make excuses for not serving the Lord as they should, yet with a spirit of self-righteousness they expect to be "guests at the great supper".  In the end, it won't be those that have mastered the art of making excuses that will be seated at the great supper, but the humble, faithful servants, that made their 'do your own thing' whatever God wanted it to be. I would prefer to be seated at the great supper rather than be left out because of lame excuses. Where would you like to be?
  

Children as Spiritual Teachers

Motherhood

As the mother of two sons I have come to accept the fact that Mother's Day will never by a day of mushy sentiment.  It's not that they don't love me, they do, in there guy way. They tell me that they love me often and hug me every day, what more could a mother ask for?  I don't know, maybe a nice poem or letter filled with all the reasons they love me so much.  Asking for a written expression of their feelings seems like asking them to have their teeth pulled! 

They are more about doing than saying.  This year they helped me with my latest landscaping project and they worked together to make me dinner.  I loved it.  The sacrifice of their time means a lot to me and I know that yard work is not on their top ten list of fun things to do.  Yet, a part of me really wanted to hear them SAY the reasons that they were willing to gift me some of their time.

I tried to be sneaky and prompt them to talk about their feelings for me, it didn't work.  "Mom, I do it because I love you isn't that enough?" was the response I received which would have been great had it not been followed by, "If you wanted the mushy stuff you should have had girls!"

As I contemplated ways to help them understand a woman's desire to hear words of love expressed to them, an idea came to me: teach by example.  I would write a letter to them expressing why I love being their mother.  This exercise took me back twenty plus years and helped me realize that my children have been some of my best spiritual teachers. I am the woman I am today because of the experiences that we have shared.  As much as I have done for them, they have done more for me.

Here are some of the spiritual lessons my children have helped me learn:

 I Can Endure Many Things  

"...we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things." (Article of Faith 13).
 
This is a lesson that started before pregnancy.  As a couple we struggled with infertility for years before getting pregnant.  So many doctors appointments, pills, tests and procedures were done to help us get pregnant and all of it was uncomfortable.  We were set on having a baby and I was willing to go through anything necessary to achieve that goal.  I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world.  I loved my boys even before I knew them.

Finally I was pregnant! Unfortunately, pregnancy was not kind to me.  My body did not do well with another human being inside of it. I had some serious complications which required a lot of bed rest (which is not easy for me) and a lot more doctor's appointments, pills and tests and procedures.  Physically, mentally and emotionally this was a tough time.

Then came the big day! One of the greatest lessons that I learned from childbirth is that I can endure a lot of pain.  I was in hard labor (a minute apart) for twenty-five hours with my first child.  I was physically and mentally spent by the time the doctors were telling me to push.  Where the heck was I going to get the energy to push! 

It is amazing what the power of love can do for you.  I couldn't wait to meet this little person that God had sent me.  I learned a lot about myself in those moments: I can do hard things, love is a great motivator for me, and I count on God for a lot.

Through the years I have learned to endure through countless sleepless nights, doctors visits, emergency room visits, missed curfews, breakups, and a plethora of other opportunities that come with being a parent, especially of two boys. I not only learned to endure, but to endure well. Thank you boys for teaching me how to make the most out of enduring.

Finding Joy

"Men are that they might have joy" (2 Ne. 2:25)

Besides their father, no one can make me laugh like my boys.  I have laughed until I cried with them and I have even laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants.  They have a way of knowing when I need to lighten up and they take full advantage of it!

There is something about joyous laughter that makes the world a better place.  It puts things in perspective. The world has a way of loading problem after problem upon us until we are so heavy with burdens that it is hard to find the joy in life.  It is a gift to be able to see the humor in the situation. 

My boys can take even the most awkward situations and make them funny. There is one downside to this though, it is super hard to discipline a child when they are so funny.  I try to be stern, but somehow they end up making me laugh. Discipline by laughter, is that effective? Maybe they are onto some new parenting technique! In spite of the downside I am so grateful for this gift of theirs.  It is contagious and even today when I hear my boys laugh out loud it makes me smile.  Thank you boys for reminding me that life is meant to be joyful.

Love

"Love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34; John 15:12, 17; Moses 7:33).

It is through my children that I have learned to love unconditionally.  Even on their most grumpy days I still love them and want to wrap my arms around them and tell them so. I don't think that there are too many other people in my life that I feel that way about. 

They have puked on me, yelled at me, walked away from me, made me so angry that I wanted to cry (and did), but through it all I still love them. How is that possible?  I don't fully understand the ability to love someone unconditionally, but still I find myself doing it when it comes to my sons. It is the most powerful and joyful feeling that I have ever experienced and it makes me want to love others more.  

Another benefit is that I have learned to let others love me unconditionally.  Even on my most grumpy days they still love me.  Why would they do that?  I don't understand that part of it either, but I am sure grateful that I have experienced it.  There are days when I lean on the knowledge that my boys will love me even though I am imperfect.  Their expression of Christ-like love for me gives me the strength to do the same for others.  Thank you boys for loving me so much.

Forgiveness

“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” (D&C 58:42)

Since that moment twenty something years ago when I found out that I was pregnant I have wanted to be the perfect mother. I read all the books and articles, I watched all the videos about parenting, and I sought advice from mothers that I admired. Still I made, and still make, mistakes.  I have worried about the things that I have said or done that might have scarred my children psychologically for life. What mother doesn't?  But I have also learned that it is important to remember that I was doing the best that I could with what I knew at the time.

I have said, "I'm sorry; I will do better next time" so many times to my boys that I have lost count. Somehow, through all the mistakes I've made, my boys still find it in their hearts to forgive me.  Not just forgive me, but to remember them no more.  I think this is one of the blessings of having boys, they really don't hold grudges and as long as they know that I love them, no matter what, they stick by me, even when I make the big mistakes.

Because of their willingness to forgive me so freely, I too have found it easier to forgive them.  Not just them, but other people in general.  This has been a tremendous blessing in my life.  It has given me the ability to forgive and move on.  I am eternally grateful for this lesson that my children have taught me.  It has made life so much richer. Thank you boys for being so generous with your forgiveness.

These are just a few of the spiritual lessons that my children have taught me.  There is not enough room on a blog post to cover all of the lessons I've learned from them. A lifetime of lessons would take up many pages.

I would like to close with this quote::

"Children come into this world, knowing everything we need to know to live a happy and fulfilled life. It is only as they get older that they learn different messages from society and lose touch with that magic they were born with." (Caz Makepeace)

Thank you boys for sharing your knowledge of happiness with me over the years. You have not lost the magic you were born with, it might have been hidden every now and then, but it is definitely there. I hope you will continue to teach me for many years to come, and yes, loving me is enough!  I love you!