I spent some time with my Grandma yesterday. She is in her 80's and describes herself as a tough old bird. She cracks me up! While I was visiting her we were in the kitchen as she was preparing stew for dinner. As I stood in the kitchen visiting I was taken back to my childhood when I would play in the kitchen while she cooked and talked to me. I love those memories. She would give me sips of the sauce she was making and let me test the noodles. I felt very important.
This morning I prayed in gratitude for those memories. I am very blessed to have them and to have her in my life, even though she can be ornery. The Lord has truly blessed me with some really good people in my life. For that I am eternally grateful!
Job 2-42
One of the great benefits of suffering is that it reveals the true character of the people around you. Job’s friends come to “comfort” him (Job 2:11). But all they did was level one attack after the other at poor Job. Look at what they said to him:
Eliphaz - He is one of those people who has already been there and done that. No matter what you go through, this kind of person has had it worse. Know anyone like that?
First he flatters Job. He tells him what a blessing he has been, he butters him up. (4:3-4). Then he accuses him of hypocrisy (4:5,8), then weakness (4:5-6), and then wickedness (4:7-9). It doesn’t' stop there, he says that he is self-righteous (4:17), not accepted by God (5:1), simply getting what he deserves (5:13), has a bad attitude (5:17), and to top it off he calls him an old windbag (15:2)!
Bildad - He attacks Job by calling him an old windbag (8:2) and says that all these things happened to Job because he was a bad fellow (8:3-22).
Zophar - He looks at the situation and simply tells Job that he needs to repent of his sins and get right with God, and then these things wouldn't happen. In fact, he tells Job that he is getting far less that he deserves (11:1-7).
There is a time for confronting our friends about the things that we know are wrong, but Job’s friends had no evidence of sin in Job’s life. His life was blameless and they just assumed that he must have had some sin in his life. There is a great story that illustrates this point:
"A biology professor took a small group of young biologists into the desert for intensive study. Miles from civilization, the vehicle in which they were traveling broke down. The group set out on foot on an estimated three-day trek back to their campus. After two days of hard travel, they reached the summit of a huge sand dune. Thirsty and sunburned, they looked around them. Far off to their right was what appeared to be a lake with small trees surrounding it. The students jumped and screamed for joy. But the teacher, who had often been in the area before, knew they were seeing a mirage. He presented the bad news to them, sharing the facts as best he could. But insisting their eyes could not deceive them, the students rebelled. Unable to convince them of their error, the professor permitted them to head off in the direction of the alleged “lake,” while he would take another course. He made them promise that after they discovered it was a mirage, they would sit down and wait for him to return with help. Three hours later the students arrived at a plush new desert resort which had four swimming pools and six restaurants. Two hours after that they set out in a Land Rover with rangers to search for their teacher. And he was never found."
-Charles Sell, The House on the Rock
There may be times when we think we have someone's problems figured out, but we may be wrong. We need to lift others up when they are in difficult times. We need to speak things in love and give people the benefit of the doubt. Love believes all things (1Cor. 13:7). We need to steer them away from bitterness and encourage them in God’s grace. Bitterness will steer people away from God, grace will lead them back.
There are times when Job’s friends feel that they must defend God against Job’s complaining. They speak a lot of theological truths, but not too many of the truths actually apply to Job. God will rebuke these friends at the end of the story (Job 42:7).
Some of what doesn’t work with Job and his “friends” is their pushing their “age” and “wisdom” on Job (15:9-10). Someone once said, “When an older man and a younger man are together, the older man should never bring up his age and wisdom, and the younger man should never forget it.” I like that!
When it comes to friends who have problems, sometimes we take on the role of parent because we have kids and that’s what we do. But not everyone needs to be mothered. There are times when people don't need advice they just need someone to cry with them.
It seems like it would be better if we weren't so quick to respond to the words people say during times of distress, but learn to respond to their needs (if we don’t know what their needs are, wait until we do). Sometimes it’s okay to simply say, “I don’t understand”.
Job's friends were known as "miserable comforters" (16:2). It isn't hard to see why! We too will have opportunities to comfort others, let's hope that we don't fall into the traps that Job's friends did. Instead let's not condemn, but show grace. Let's not be quick to respond, but wait to learn their needs. And let's not parent them, but just be there for them. Most of all, let's love them!
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