This morning I pray that I will gracefully be all that I am called to be. That I will follow the Spirit where it leads me with courage and strength. That I will leave each person I meet feeling better than when I found them. That all who touch my life today will feel of the Lord's love for them. And most of all, that the Lord will be pleased with me today.
2 Kings 14
In this chapter we find king Amaziah feeling pretty good about his conquest over the Edomites. He is feeling so confident that he sends a messenger to Jehoash, the king of Israel, saying I want to fight you too!
Jehoash responds with a parable basically telling Amaziah that he is acting to big for his britches and gives him some advice: Stay home and enjoy your victory. Why would you meddle in something if it would be detrimental to you and your people?
Jehoash has a good understanding of what meddling can do, not only does it hurt you, but those around you. It is a good warning. Of course Amaziah doesn't heed the warning and jumps right in.
I see a bit of our society in this story. Everyone meddling in each others business and nothing positive coming from it. So I thought it would be a topic worth investigating.
Here are some lessons I learned about meddling:
Gossip
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage. "Go to the market place," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck the feathers and drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me." The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. "You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it is impossible to get them back. So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong." (Author Unknown, Submitted by Helen Hazinski from Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul)
Gossip happens around us everyday. There are newspapers, magazines, websites, and even talk shows that do nothing but propagate gossip. It has damaged reputations, caused relationship problems, and has even caused some to end their lives. Gossip is extremely hurtful.
President David O. McKay said, “Let us avoid evil speaking; let us avoid slander and gossip. These are poisons to the soul to those who indulge. Evil speaking injures the reviler more than the reviled.” (Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 96.)
No one wins in the game of gossip.
Peacemaker
Sometimes we get involved in battles that aren’t ours. We jump into problems between people, thinking we’re going to try and fix the situation, but in reality we only make things worse.
I think we have all thought of ourselves as a “peacemaker”. The problem is we don't always do it correctly. Often times we’ll listen to only one side of things and without realizing it we make a decision as to who is the “good guy” and who is the “bad guy”. Then we’ll listen to the other side, and truly get confused.
To be a true peacemaker, you can’t take sides. To be a true peacemaker, you need to get both individuals together and talk, hold their hands, and pray with them.
Our intentions might be good, but we must be careful about taking sides and taking on battles that aren’t ours. The scriptures tell us:
"He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears." (Proverbs 26:17)
If you've every tried to grab a dog by the ears you know you are just getting yourself in some trouble that you don't really want!
Control
As you know, I use many different sources when I research for my blog, but I think this article titled Family Life: Are You a Buttinsky? from a Jewish magazine is one of my all time favorites. It is written by a Dr. Dale Atkins and Rabbi Edythe Mencher. On the cover of the magazine under the title of the article it says: How to Avoid Being Awarded the Family Meddle of Honor. I love it!
Besides having a cute title the article was informative. It is written in a Q&A format with the first question being, How would you define meddling?
"If you give advice to an adult family member without being asked for your opinion, then you are meddling." (Dale)
"I would define meddling as giving advice that is likely to be perceived as criticism rather than support and encouragement." (Edie)
Interesting definitions. I have been guilty of doing both of these things, I think I might be a buttinsky!
The article goes on to share some Jewish wisdom about things like trying to tell others how to live their lives and expressng opinions about who someone marries. It also gives us a way to evaluate ourselves to see if we are meddling:
"First, check yourself to make sure you aren’t inadvertently meddling by asking yourself four questions:
1. Am I getting involved for my child or for myself?
2. Is the person in question happy, even though what he/she is doing would not make me happy?
3. Will getting involved put our relationship at risk (and am I willing to take that risk)?
4. Can I really have this conversation without being judgmental?" (Dale)
My favorite piece of advice from the article:
"Telling people how to live their lives or holding them up to unrealistic standards of achievement—the hidden message behind much “constructive criticism”—are surefire ways to stir up discord. If we ask people to make choices that are more comfortable for us than for them, we may inadvertently hinder them from becoming the people they have the potential to become. This teaching is captured in the words of the talmudic sage Rabbi Zusya: “In the world to come they will not ask me, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me, ‘Why were you not Zusya?’” (Dale)
You gotta love Rabbi wisdom! If you think you might be a buttinsky this article is a really good source of information.
As you know, I use many different sources when I research for my blog, but I think this article titled Family Life: Are You a Buttinsky? from a Jewish magazine is one of my all time favorites. It is written by a Dr. Dale Atkins and Rabbi Edythe Mencher. On the cover of the magazine under the title of the article it says: How to Avoid Being Awarded the Family Meddle of Honor. I love it!
Besides having a cute title the article was informative. It is written in a Q&A format with the first question being, How would you define meddling?
"If you give advice to an adult family member without being asked for your opinion, then you are meddling." (Dale)
"I would define meddling as giving advice that is likely to be perceived as criticism rather than support and encouragement." (Edie)
Interesting definitions. I have been guilty of doing both of these things, I think I might be a buttinsky!
The article goes on to share some Jewish wisdom about things like trying to tell others how to live their lives and expressng opinions about who someone marries. It also gives us a way to evaluate ourselves to see if we are meddling:
"First, check yourself to make sure you aren’t inadvertently meddling by asking yourself four questions:
1. Am I getting involved for my child or for myself?
2. Is the person in question happy, even though what he/she is doing would not make me happy?
3. Will getting involved put our relationship at risk (and am I willing to take that risk)?
4. Can I really have this conversation without being judgmental?" (Dale)
My favorite piece of advice from the article:
"Telling people how to live their lives or holding them up to unrealistic standards of achievement—the hidden message behind much “constructive criticism”—are surefire ways to stir up discord. If we ask people to make choices that are more comfortable for us than for them, we may inadvertently hinder them from becoming the people they have the potential to become. This teaching is captured in the words of the talmudic sage Rabbi Zusya: “In the world to come they will not ask me, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me, ‘Why were you not Zusya?’” (Dale)
You gotta love Rabbi wisdom! If you think you might be a buttinsky this article is a really good source of information.
"It was a wise man who observed with regard to improvement that so often everyone meddles in everyone else’s matters instead of improving himself—and thus everything stays the same." ~Pres. Spencer W, Kimball.
"And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you." (1 Thes 4:11)
"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye." (Matt 7:3-5)
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." (Matt 7:1-2)
"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:" (1 Pet 3:10)
"If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain." (James 1:26)
"But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another." (Gal 5:15)
These are just a few of the warnings we have been given, there are more. Meddling is a serious problem that has been going on since the Old Testament times. Amaziah learns the hard way that meddling is destructive. The people become angry with him for his choices and they conspire against him and kill him! (2 Kings 14:19) Meddling always comes with a price!
My hope is that we will learn from this story and make the changes in our own lives we need to help us control our desire to meddle. May we be less destructive and more like the words found in Ephesians 4:29: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers". Let's use our energy to build each other up, instead of tear each other down!
No comments:
Post a Comment