Bullies

Day two hundred sixty-one

I am so looking forward to a day of rest, I need it.  I thanked the Lord for His wisdom in providing us a day to rest our bodies and to focus on Him so that we might be rejuvenated for the next week! 

2 Samuel 10

Chances are that you have been a victim of bullying at some point in your life.  Maybe it was in the form of verbal abuse such as name calling and threats, or physical abuse such as hitting, shoving, kicking, etc.  Or maybe you have been the victim of the latest type of bullying: cyber bullying.  Whichever it is for your particular situation, you probably still remember the emotional, mental and physical scars that come with it.

In chapter 10 we see a clear case of bullying going on.  David sends his servants to show kindness to Hanun who has just been made ruler over the Ammonites due to his father's death.  Instead of excepting this gesture from David, Hanun and the other princes bully his servants.  They shave off half of the servants beards and cut up their clothes apparently to the buttocks area, then send them away. (2 Sam 10:3-4) 

If you understand the significance of the beard to these people, and their desire for modesty, you will know that this was extremely embarrassing for them and they felt ashamed ( 2 Sam 10:5).  Much like we do when we have been the victim of a bully.

Bullying is a serious problem discussed in the scriptures several times.  How are we doing in our day with the bullying problem?

Here are the facts:

Youth (bullyingstatistics.org)

• American schools harbor approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million of their victims. (Dan Olweus, National School Safety Center).
• It is estimated that 160,000 children (15%) miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students. (National Education Association)
• 1 out of 4 kids is Bullied. An American Justice Department school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics studies shows that this month 1 out of every 4 kids will be abused by another youth.
• A survey conducted by the American Association of University Women reported that 85% of girls and 76% of boys have been sexually harassed in some form and only 18% of those incidents were perpetrated by an adults.
• Young bullies carry a one-in-four chance of having a criminal record by age 30. (Study by Leonard Eron and Rowell Huesman).
• 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school.
• 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.
• One out of 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.
• 28% of youths who carry weapons have witnessed violence at home.

Adults (bullyingstatistics.org)
One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth.  Unfortunately, this is not always the case.  Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists.  The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult.  They try to humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss." 

This is such a problem that the experts have classified the different types of adult bullies:  Narcissistic Adult Bully,Impulsive Adult Bully,Physical Bully, Verbal Adult Bully, and Secondary Adult Bully.

How does God feel about bullies?

"Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord." (Lev 19:18; Matt 22:39; Mosiah 23:15; D&C 59:6)

Did you notice that this message is in each of the standard works?  That should say something about the importance of this message!  Bullying goes against the commandments of God.

"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matt 18:6)

We are all God's "little ones" and he takes the abuse of each of us very seriously.

Dealing with bullies
The first thing David does is take care of the victims. I love in verse 5 that David protects and cares for the victims, "...and the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return."  He was protecting them from further abuse and ridicule. 

Then he faces the bullies, not alone, but in large numbers (2 Sam 10:7).  There is something to be said for this technique.  I think that many who have witnessed bullying would like to speak up, but often out of fear think, "I am one person, what if they turn on me?" When you gather as a group to confront a bully they tend to back down.  There is definitely power in numbers.

I realize that in David's story they did end up fighting, and that may be the case in our time too.  However, such violence tends to occur in fewer instances, the majority of bullying situations end without such violence.The fighting now a days tends to end up in the legal system if it is reported.   

The great thing about David's story is that he not only stops the original bullies, but he sends a message to all other would-be bullies that it won't be tolerated.  The message is received loud and clear! (2 Sam 10:19)

This is a topic close to my heart.  I have been on both sides of this issue.  I am not proud of my behavior as a bully, it was usually towards my younger brother and luckily we have made amends.  It is however, the victim side that gets me so riled up, because I have been the victim more than the bully.  The message I take away from this chapter is that I need to be there for the victims and stand up for what is right.  It is okay for me to feel fear, but I still need to do the right thing!