Finding My Place

Day five

One of my sons came to me last night to talk about some of his thoughts and concerns.  I was thrilled that even though he is an adult he would still come to talk to me about things.  He is at that point in his life where the decisions he makes now are in the "life changing" category.  I was feeling pretty good about our relationship and thought this was a great opportunity to give him some advice.  Let's just say it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped.

I find myself in an interesting place in my life.  I am in transition from:  mom tell me what to do and I feel obliged to do it, to mom I really want to talk to you, but I don't necessarily want your advice and if you give it I don't know that I want to follow it.  How am I supposed to make a graceful transition from one to the other?

I admit I am finding it difficult.  I have not been a totally controlling parent. I believe it is important for my sons to have the opportunity to learn to make their own choices and to feel the consequences of their actions, no matter how painful that might be (for them and me).  There are rules in our house to keep the chaos of life to a minimum and things I ask my sons to do out of respect and consideration, but as they get older will they start to rebel against these things?

With those thoughts running through my head my morning prayers were focused on the question, How can I be what my family needs me to be at this time and do it in a graceful way?  There is no way I can do this without some help from above!  The Lord says ask and ye shall receive, so I asked and I'm in the receiving phase.

My scripture study today took me to Section 76 in the Doctrine and Covenants.  I have always thought of this section as the Three Degrees of Glory section, not really seeing any parenting advice in it.  Boy was I wrong!  This time as I read I choose to do it through the eyes of a parent.  Here are some of the thoughts that came to me:

The Lord gives us an example of a great teaching tool in this section; Compare and Contrast.  He leads us into this section talking about Jesus Christ the Son of God, then introduces us to Lucifer and the Sons of Perdition, given us the opportunity to compare and contrast these two and the consequences of following each one.

What does this have to do with my situation?  Maybe I should give less advice and instead ask the questions that would lead my son to compare and contrast the consequences of his actions.  Instead of, "you should pray about it" I could say, "Have you thought about how these actions would affect your ability to receive an answer to your prayers?" or "If you are searching for the Spirit to give you personal revelation how might your actions affect your ability to receive it?"

Verse 10 - "For by my Spirit will I enlighten them, and by my power will I make known unto them the secrets of my will--"

I learned today that part of my transition is to listen more and then to help them discover the answers for themselves.  This will take time, effort and patience on both sides, but if I compare and contrast the alternatives, I choose to follow the Lord's way, it has already been tested and proven to be effective!

Also I learned to appreciate Heavenly Father as a parent, he knows what it is like to struggle with a child.  Lucifer was once an angel of God who was in authority and he used his agency to rebel (D&C 76:25).  The scriptures tell us that the heavens wept over him (D&C 76:26).  Heavenly Father understands and within the scriptures has given us answers to help us in our own families, we just have to look at them through the eyes of a parent!

My situation is no where near the degree of Heavenly Father's and Lucifer's.  My son is a good person going through that 'testing of the gray area' phase.  I just want to be there for him when he needs me, and learning to find my place in his life is important to me!