The Art of Making Excuses

Accountability

There once was a man who made a great supper and invited many friends.  When everything was ready he sent his servant to gather his friends.  But instead of coming, his friends began to make excuses. 

The first friend said, I have bought some land and I need to go and see it. Please excuse me.

And another said, I have bought some animals and I need to go and get them.  Please excuse me.

And another said, I got married and we can't make it.

So the servant returns and tells his master what the friends said. The master becomes angry and tells the servant, Go out into the streets and invite the poor, the hurt, the lame, and the blind.

The servant does as his master ordered and returns.  He says, Master, I invited those you wanted me too and there is still room. 

The master tells the servant, Go out in the streets and pathways and urge them to come in so that the house will be filled.

The master finishes with, None of the friends that were sent for shall taste of this supper.

Does this story sound familiar?  It is based on a parable that Jesus taught in the house of the Pharisee (Luke 14:16-24).  I think it should be called the Lame Excuses Parable.

The part of the story that caught my attention is the excuses that the friends make.  Have you ever been like the friends and made up an excuse to get out of something? (Guilty as charged!)  Or maybe you have been in the position of the master and have been stood up by people with lame excuses. (I hate that!)

What is it about us that creates the need to make excuses? 

It all starts when we are children.  I can remember my mother coming into the room after hearing some noise that was obviously not good and asking what happened. My mind quickly came up with some excuse that would take the blame off of me.  Even better, I think of all the times my parents asked me why I didn't do something they asked me to do and I came up with the brilliant excuse, I forgot! 

I have to admit that there are some times when I giggle at the many creative ways that people try to get out of their responsibilities. There are some people that have taken excuse making to a new level. They have mastered the art of making excuses.  Then there are those that obviously haven't thought it through, these provide us with a bit of entertainment: 

church excuse: I can't go to church, church gives me gas! (what?)

  

work excuse: My dog has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.

diet excuse: If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

While these excuses are entertaining, the real reason we make excuses is that we want to avoid the consequences.

We all face a lifetime of learning about the consequences that come with the choices we make. We relish in the pleasant consequences and endure through the extremely painful ones. And yes, there are time we are all guilty of trying to avoid the consequences.

 
Facing the consequences means we have to take accountability for our choices, and that can be difficult sometimes, especially in today's world.  Accountability means not only taking responsibility for how our actions have affected other people, but how they affect our relationship with God. The Lord has said that all people are responsible for their own motives, attitudes, desires, and actions. How are we applying that principle to ourselves?

Today we live in a world where the teachings of the scriptures are being mocked, ignored, and rejected by many in society. Instead of living life with the knowledge that we will be accountable to God, many people are seeking to make God accountable to them for their comfort and pleasure. They choose to live their lives by doing what is right in their own eyes. The prevailing attitude is 'Do your own thing. Whatever makes you happy. You are only accountable to yourself.' Where has this ideology left us?

This shift from a God-centered perspective in life to a man-centered perspective permeates all levels of society. We see the repercussions of this shift daily in the articles of the newspapers, magazines, Internet sites, and television programs we view. The headlines include attacks on the sacredness of marriage, crimes that are committed when selfishness overtakes selflessness, and the suffering of those less fortunate whom society has turned their back on. Sadly, we find this 'Do your own thing' attitude in our schools, communities, among our leaders, and even in our homes. The world is full of victims who fell prey to the enticings of the 'Do your own thing' mantra. 

 
What would change in society if instead of 'do your own thing' we would teach the proverb: 'Don't do what you'll have to find an excuse for'?  The problem is that we live in a society that has become very individualistic. One author stated, "The prevailing attitude is be your own man or woman, do your own thing, be your own boss, and often this attitude is promoted or stated in a way that undermines accountability to God and others. The scriptures in no way denies our individualism. Indeed, it promotes it, but in a way that holds us each accountable to others. Proper individualism leads to a certain amount of inventiveness, ingenuity, and freedom, but it can also breed license and irresponsibility without accountability. The fact is you can’t make disciples or produce growing and mature Christians without accountability. Accountability is one of the means God uses to bring about solid growth and maturity so that we can become what God has created us for."

With that in mind, let's go back to our parable and see what can happen if we never outgrow our excuse making stage.  Jesus does not explain the meaning of this parable, so we are left on our own. Here are some thoughts I had about it:

The great supper in the parable could represent the invitation of salvation that God extends to us and the future blessings we could have.  Who wouldn't want to experience that?

God wants all to be saved (1 Tim 2:3-6; Tit 2:11; 2 Pet 3:9). Sadly, not everyone who is invited will accept, some will instead make excuses. The excuses may involve things within themselves that are noble like; business responsibilities or family responsibilities.  The problem is that the priorities are misplaced and earthly matters are allowed to take priority over spiritual matters.

Many in the church make excuses for not serving the Lord as they should, yet with a spirit of self-righteousness they expect to be "guests at the great supper".  In the end, it won't be those that have mastered the art of making excuses that will be seated at the great supper, but the humble, faithful servants, that made their 'do your own thing' whatever God wanted it to be. I would prefer to be seated at the great supper rather than be left out because of lame excuses. Where would you like to be?
  

Children as Spiritual Teachers

Motherhood

As the mother of two sons I have come to accept the fact that Mother's Day will never by a day of mushy sentiment.  It's not that they don't love me, they do, in there guy way. They tell me that they love me often and hug me every day, what more could a mother ask for?  I don't know, maybe a nice poem or letter filled with all the reasons they love me so much.  Asking for a written expression of their feelings seems like asking them to have their teeth pulled! 

They are more about doing than saying.  This year they helped me with my latest landscaping project and they worked together to make me dinner.  I loved it.  The sacrifice of their time means a lot to me and I know that yard work is not on their top ten list of fun things to do.  Yet, a part of me really wanted to hear them SAY the reasons that they were willing to gift me some of their time.

I tried to be sneaky and prompt them to talk about their feelings for me, it didn't work.  "Mom, I do it because I love you isn't that enough?" was the response I received which would have been great had it not been followed by, "If you wanted the mushy stuff you should have had girls!"

As I contemplated ways to help them understand a woman's desire to hear words of love expressed to them, an idea came to me: teach by example.  I would write a letter to them expressing why I love being their mother.  This exercise took me back twenty plus years and helped me realize that my children have been some of my best spiritual teachers. I am the woman I am today because of the experiences that we have shared.  As much as I have done for them, they have done more for me.

Here are some of the spiritual lessons my children have helped me learn:

 I Can Endure Many Things  

"...we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things." (Article of Faith 13).
 
This is a lesson that started before pregnancy.  As a couple we struggled with infertility for years before getting pregnant.  So many doctors appointments, pills, tests and procedures were done to help us get pregnant and all of it was uncomfortable.  We were set on having a baby and I was willing to go through anything necessary to achieve that goal.  I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world.  I loved my boys even before I knew them.

Finally I was pregnant! Unfortunately, pregnancy was not kind to me.  My body did not do well with another human being inside of it. I had some serious complications which required a lot of bed rest (which is not easy for me) and a lot more doctor's appointments, pills and tests and procedures.  Physically, mentally and emotionally this was a tough time.

Then came the big day! One of the greatest lessons that I learned from childbirth is that I can endure a lot of pain.  I was in hard labor (a minute apart) for twenty-five hours with my first child.  I was physically and mentally spent by the time the doctors were telling me to push.  Where the heck was I going to get the energy to push! 

It is amazing what the power of love can do for you.  I couldn't wait to meet this little person that God had sent me.  I learned a lot about myself in those moments: I can do hard things, love is a great motivator for me, and I count on God for a lot.

Through the years I have learned to endure through countless sleepless nights, doctors visits, emergency room visits, missed curfews, breakups, and a plethora of other opportunities that come with being a parent, especially of two boys. I not only learned to endure, but to endure well. Thank you boys for teaching me how to make the most out of enduring.

Finding Joy

"Men are that they might have joy" (2 Ne. 2:25)

Besides their father, no one can make me laugh like my boys.  I have laughed until I cried with them and I have even laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants.  They have a way of knowing when I need to lighten up and they take full advantage of it!

There is something about joyous laughter that makes the world a better place.  It puts things in perspective. The world has a way of loading problem after problem upon us until we are so heavy with burdens that it is hard to find the joy in life.  It is a gift to be able to see the humor in the situation. 

My boys can take even the most awkward situations and make them funny. There is one downside to this though, it is super hard to discipline a child when they are so funny.  I try to be stern, but somehow they end up making me laugh. Discipline by laughter, is that effective? Maybe they are onto some new parenting technique! In spite of the downside I am so grateful for this gift of theirs.  It is contagious and even today when I hear my boys laugh out loud it makes me smile.  Thank you boys for reminding me that life is meant to be joyful.

Love

"Love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34; John 15:12, 17; Moses 7:33).

It is through my children that I have learned to love unconditionally.  Even on their most grumpy days I still love them and want to wrap my arms around them and tell them so. I don't think that there are too many other people in my life that I feel that way about. 

They have puked on me, yelled at me, walked away from me, made me so angry that I wanted to cry (and did), but through it all I still love them. How is that possible?  I don't fully understand the ability to love someone unconditionally, but still I find myself doing it when it comes to my sons. It is the most powerful and joyful feeling that I have ever experienced and it makes me want to love others more.  

Another benefit is that I have learned to let others love me unconditionally.  Even on my most grumpy days they still love me.  Why would they do that?  I don't understand that part of it either, but I am sure grateful that I have experienced it.  There are days when I lean on the knowledge that my boys will love me even though I am imperfect.  Their expression of Christ-like love for me gives me the strength to do the same for others.  Thank you boys for loving me so much.

Forgiveness

“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” (D&C 58:42)

Since that moment twenty something years ago when I found out that I was pregnant I have wanted to be the perfect mother. I read all the books and articles, I watched all the videos about parenting, and I sought advice from mothers that I admired. Still I made, and still make, mistakes.  I have worried about the things that I have said or done that might have scarred my children psychologically for life. What mother doesn't?  But I have also learned that it is important to remember that I was doing the best that I could with what I knew at the time.

I have said, "I'm sorry; I will do better next time" so many times to my boys that I have lost count. Somehow, through all the mistakes I've made, my boys still find it in their hearts to forgive me.  Not just forgive me, but to remember them no more.  I think this is one of the blessings of having boys, they really don't hold grudges and as long as they know that I love them, no matter what, they stick by me, even when I make the big mistakes.

Because of their willingness to forgive me so freely, I too have found it easier to forgive them.  Not just them, but other people in general.  This has been a tremendous blessing in my life.  It has given me the ability to forgive and move on.  I am eternally grateful for this lesson that my children have taught me.  It has made life so much richer. Thank you boys for being so generous with your forgiveness.

These are just a few of the spiritual lessons that my children have taught me.  There is not enough room on a blog post to cover all of the lessons I've learned from them. A lifetime of lessons would take up many pages.

I would like to close with this quote::

"Children come into this world, knowing everything we need to know to live a happy and fulfilled life. It is only as they get older that they learn different messages from society and lose touch with that magic they were born with." (Caz Makepeace)

Thank you boys for sharing your knowledge of happiness with me over the years. You have not lost the magic you were born with, it might have been hidden every now and then, but it is definitely there. I hope you will continue to teach me for many years to come, and yes, loving me is enough!  I love you!
 

Making Mistakes Part 2

The Atonement

As I read through Part 1 of this post I thought about how easy it sounded to experiment and make mistakes.  It seems so simple a truth; Test it and see what happens.  I still feel apprehensive about jumping in and making mistakes though.  It's not the experimenting part I struggle with, it is the mistake part that I can't seem to overcome.  Why is that?

The scriptures give us examples of people learning from their mistakes, yet it is the view of the world that I seem to cling to.  It has been ingrained in us from our childhood that mistakes are bad. Vineet Nayar, vice chairman and CEO of HCL Technologies Ltd., stated it perfectly when he said, "All through school, a mistake indicates the prospect of lower grades. Good students don't make mistakes. At home, mistakes lead to admonishments. Good children follow the rules. At work, mistakes have serious repercussions. Good workers get it right the first time."

This indoctrination of fear of mistakes is tough to overcome even though there is evidence that making mistakes often leads to innovation and new inventions. Why then don't we allow, much less encourage, ourselves and others to make mistakes?

There have been some advocates in history that have understood the importance of making mistakes.  Mahatma Gandhi once said, "freedom isn't worth having if it doesn't include the freedom to make mistakes" and George Bernard Shaw said, "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

The question we should be asking ourselves isn't how do I avoid making mistakes, but instead, how do I make the most of the mistakes I make. 
 
Making the Most of Our Mistakes
I have plenty of experience in the area of making mistakes, not because I embrace the idea of making mistakes, but because I am human and they just seem to follow me.  It seems that life is filled with opportunities to make mistakes, even when we aren't looking to make them.  What would happen if we chose to face our mistakes head on and realize that it's not the mistake that is the problem, but how we deal with it? 

Like many others I have committed a full range of mistakes. There are the small mistakes that are easy to move on from and then there are the big mistakes which stick with us and never seem to let go.

In the scriptures we are given an opportunity to read about some of Peter's mistake-making moments. In Matthew 16:21-23 we see an interesting interaction between Peter and Christ.

From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.  Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.  But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

Regarding these verses, one pastor posed the question: How would you like for your mistakes to be a stumbling block to Jesus? Yikes!  What a humbling moment this must have been for Peter. It appears he learned his lesson and was able to put this behind him, because in the very next chapter we find him with Christ at the Mount of Transfiguration. 

Peter would continue to make mistakes.  Remember the story of Peter denying Christ three times in Matthew 26? Peter was feeling pretty low after the rooster crowed that third time.  The scriptures tell us "and he went out, and wept bitterly" (Matt 26:75). 

We have all felt this type of distress when we have made a big mistake.  These are the mistakes that when recalled bring on a physical reaction like tears, or a stomach ache, or cause us to shiver at the thought of them. These are the mistakes that fill us with regret. And if we let them, these are the mistakes that would consume us with guilt and shame, two feelings that impede progress.

What would I have done if I were in Peter's shoes? I don't really know and I am thankful that I have not been asked to bear that burden. I do know that the guilt and shame I have felt over my own mistakes has often led me to seek an escape from the situation.  I hate the way guilt and shame make me feel, they have a strange power over me. I have been paralyzed by fear so much so that I faced the inability to make a decision.  The thought of, what if I make another mistake, was a constant reminder of the first mistake and the fear that I would only add to the guilt and shame. Throw in the fact that disappoint usually follows mistakes and you have the perfect scenario for Satan to jump in and make a bad situation worse.  It is a vicious cycle.

President Packer gives some great counsel on this topic: "Guilt is spiritual pain. Do not suffer from chronic pain. Get rid of it. Be done with it. Repent, and, if necessary, repent again and again and again and again until you—not the enemy—are in charge of you."

If there is one thing that gets me looking beyond the fear of guilt and shame it is the thought that Satan has a hold of me when I feel that way. I CANNOT and WILL NOT let him win! I do not want to become a puppet in Satan's hands. I want to remain a child of God, with my agency intact, and the possibility for eternal salvation and exaltation. 

This is where the life-saving gift of the Atonement comes in.  President Packer reminds us that, ""The Atonement is like an eraser. It can wipe away guilt and the effect of whatever it is that is causing you to feel guilty."

Let's go back to Peter denying Christ.  In John 21:15-17 we read a conversation that takes place between Christ and Peter after the resurrection:

So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.  He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.  He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

Jesus told Peter, you made a mistake, three times in fact.  But He also tells him three times to "feed my sheep".  This is significant because Christ is letting Peter know that He knows Peter's heart, and even though Peter failed, and declared things he couldn't live up to, He still had work for him to do.  Not just any work, but the most important work, feeding His sheep.

This is a work that requires not letting your failures stop you. It requires teaching and encouraging others who might also feel like they have failed Christ.  Peter knows what that feels like and because of that is better prepared to lead others who struggle with failure and insecurity.

If we are going to make the most of our mistakes, we have to learn the lessons that they teach us. Peter went on to be a pillar in the early Christian church. Through his mistakes, he learned to walk with Christ, and he was able to teach others to do the same. He learned the restorative grace of God and that we can move forward and do mighty things, if and only if, we let our past mistakes be our teachers instead of our tormentors.

The atonement allows us to replace error with truth. In John 8:32 Jesus tells us, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Free from guilt and shame.  Free to be worthy of His blessings.  Free to go about doing His work.  There is no need to wallow in the misery of our mistakes. Instead, we need to let our mistakes be a stepping stone to victory. 

It says in Hebrews10:38 "the just (righteous) will live by faith." We all make mistakes in life. Have faith that you will make mistakes, but also have faith that God will see you through it, He will restore you, support you, and strengthen you.  Make your mistakes an opportunity of learning and He will place you on a firm foundation.  

At the beginning of this post I stated that I hoped that there was a purpose to making mistakes.  It turns out that mistakes can, if we let them, teach us to be better disciples of Christ and bring us closer to Him and each other. Isn't it just like God to give us some the most choice blessings available during some of our most difficult times!  

Making Mistakes Part 1

The Atonement

I have a confession to make...I make mistakes.  A lot of mistakes.  I could not possibly name all the mistakes I have made over my lifetime, nor could I name all the people that my mistakes have impacted. I'm pretty sure that I have even made mistakes that I didn't know I was making. I'm not sure I want to know all the mistakes that I've made!

There is one thing that brings me a little comfort about making mistakes: I am not alone in making mistakes. This seems to be a universal problem from which no one escapes.  No one is exempt from mistakes, well except Christ of course. The rest of us are imperfect, mistake-making beings.  But is that really a bad thing?  Is there a purpose to all those bad choices that we make?  I sure hope so!

This interest in making mistakes comes from a talk my son gave at church on Sunday.  He was given the topic: How the Atonement helps you to achieve your goals.  His take on the topic led to an interesting point:  We learn by experience and with experience comes opportunities for mistakes, but through the atonement we are allowed to learn from our mistakes.  He posed the question, if we learn from our mistakes then why are we so afraid to make a mistake? 

He made another good point when he brought up Eve's transgression of eating the forbidden fruit.  Had she not made that mistake we would not be here.  Should we find hope in that story? Are some mistakes necessary in our lives for us to progress? 

I've been pondering these questions and his thoughts during the week. As usual a few more questions popped into my mind: If we learn best through experience then why are we so afraid to experiment? What are we supposed to experiment with? What is it about making mistakes that makes it so difficult for us to try new things?  Why are we so willing to remain idle even though we know it stunts our progression?  If we know that the atonement is for us, then why are we so reluctant to use its healing powers?

So many questions! I'm not sure if it's a gift or a curse that my mind thinks this way! Whatever the case may be, I am on a quest to find answers about making mistakes and hopefully to learn how to make fewer.
     
Experimenting
I started my quest by learning more about experimenting. I wanted to know what it is, what it's purpose is and how it fits into the gospel.  First step, define experiment.

experiment: (n) a test or investigation, especially one planned to provide evidence for or against a hypothesis.  (v) To try something new, especially in order to gain experience.

An experiment is planned or designed with the purpose to prove something correct or false. It isn't something that is made up as you go along.  It is a step-by-step process that has been thought out with a particular ending in mind.  It requires diligence to recognize and record the gathering of information as the experiment is underway.  Then at the end of the experiment, when all the data has been gathered and studied, it requires an objective look at the evidence for or against the original hypothesis. 

What happens when an experiment doesn't go the way it is planned out?  Then the process starts over and a new hypothesis is made.  You try something new to gain more experience so that you can formulate a better plan. The key is to learn from each experiment until the desired outcome is achieved.

With a better understanding of what an experiment is, I moved on to what the scriptures say about experimenting. I found a great example of the experimentation process in Alma 32.  In verse 27 the prophet Alma exhorts the Zoramites to:

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

He is asking them to test or investigate what he is telling them so that they might know it to be true (or prove the hypotheses). Alma knows that the people learn best when they experience it for themselves.  They learn best by doing.  So he presents them with an experiment.

He continues in verse 33:

And now, behold, because ye have tried the experiment, and planted the seed, and it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good.

The Zoramites did it, they put his words to the test.They tried something new in order to gain experience. They are in the process of observing and gathering the data to achieve a result.  

Then he tells them in verse 36:

Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith, for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good.

He wants them to understand that they have to follow through with the experiment, its not over yet, they haven't gained the full experience.  The hypothesis still needs testing. It was going in the right direction, but it wasn't completed.

I love the wisdom in Alma's words!  The truth is that we can't learn all that there is to learn if we aren't willing to put in the effort. Alma understands this principal perfectly and encourages the people not to quit. That is a great lesson in experimenting.  To achieve the desired result takes effort, diligence and patience.

There was an interesting side note that I came across while studying the process of experimentation: Experience, experiment and expert derive from the Latin experiri, meaning to "try."  If we want to be an expert in something it means we have to try it through experimenting for the experience! 

Alma wasn't the only one that knew the value of experimenting, Christ knew it too.  In John 7:17 he states:

If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.

In other words, if you want to know if I am telling the truth, test it out and see for yourself. Becoming an expert in God's doctrine requires us to try it. It seems too easy, but if we want proof to verify His words we need to live the gospel and see where it takes us!   

Not only was Christ a great teacher through His words, but He also lived what He taught.  Christ is a great example of someone who tested God's word through experimenting. He was taught the gospel, He used His faith and tested the validity of its teachings (we see this in His ability to heal and perform miracles), and then when the experiment got tough, instead of quitting, He chose to follow through to the end.  How grateful I am that He did! He gained the full experience and gave me the opportunity to do the same.

The prophets and apostles of our day share the same message:

Elder David A Bednar has said, "Invite young people to explore, to experiment, and to learn for themselves." (The Hearts of the Children Will Turn Oct 2011)

He is not alone in his counsel. There are 82 General Conference talks listed with some form of the the word experiment in them on the Church website.  The talks range in topics of strengthening families to building testimonies.  This is a tried and true process of learning and we are counselled to put it into practice.

Now, I know that there are people in the world that would think that this gives them free reign to do what they want in the name of personal growth.  I work with the youth and at this point I think it is important to state that the counsel to experiment is not a license to go out and do whatever you want so that you can have the experience. The counsel to experiment also comes with a warning: "As you mature, there is a temptation to experiment or explore immoral activities. Do not do that!" (Elder Boyd K. Packer How to Survive in Enemy Territory Jan 2012). 

The process of experimenting for spiritual growth does have parameters. We are meant to experiment with those things that build us up, not tear us down.  I don't think this counsel is given to keep us from gaining experience or knowledge, but is instead given to guide us away from those experiences that take us farther from the Spirit or our God.  Those experiences that negatively affect our salvation should be avoided; our salvation is too high a price to pay for an experience. 

There is an upside to avoiding those experiences that are harmful, it provides us with another experience, the opportunity to learn self-discipline.  Something I think is seriously lacking in today's society. 

Everyday is a new experience for us, what we do with it is completely up to us.  For that reason, we should understand that we will not always make the right choice when it comes to experimenting.  With every learning opportunity also comes the opportunity to make a mistake.  It will happen, it happens to me all the time, but should we use this as an excuse to not try anything at all?  

The key is to have a well thought out experiment. One that is seeking a positive result in our personal growth.  The scriptures have given us examples of positive ways to experiment. I'm sure that there is an experiment in the scriptures that fits each of our needs. If we keep these examples in mind when we are planning our next experiment, we can have the confidence to move forward knowing that the experience will be beneficial.

In Doctrine and Covenants 122:7 we find a list of experiences that include being cast into a pit to being cast into the deep.  At the end of this verse we are told, "that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

Over time I think that we will find that to be a true statement.  And with each new experiment we will see that the only wasted experience is one that we don't learn from. 

Anxiety Thinking vs Faith Thinking

Faith

In our sacrament meeting the topic was the first principles and ordinances of the gospel.  Basically it came down to the fourth Article of Faith: We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

As I listened to the talks I came to the conclusion that I should try to find out what part of this Article of Faith I needed to work on most in my life.  Logically, I started with examining my faith since it came first. I never got past faith.  I had a lot to learn about faith, or the lack of faith, in my life.  It was an eye opener for me. 

My journey started with this quote:

"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith." ~Henry Ward Beecher

I love this statement.  I have used it in my own life, but with slight modifications:

"Every situation has two handles.  I can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith."

This was a great opportunity to study the connection between anxiety and faith. A little self-evaluation is good for the soul. So I posed the question, does anxiety or faith rule my life?  I was surprised by the answer.  

What are some of the things in life that cause us anxiety? The most common things we worry about are: finances, relationships, health, children, employment, personal needs, and even our spiritual well-being.  

I use to think that I was a pretty mellow person when it came to worries, that is, until I started being more mentally aware of my thoughts.  I decided to pay more attention to my first thoughts when a situation would arise and I was surprised by what I learned about myself.

I am the 'what if' queen.  Thoughts like: What if this happens or that happens? What if it doesn't turn out the right way? What if others will be affected by my worries? were common thought reactions to daily situations. I found myself worring about what people would think of me if a situation goes bad, but I mostly worried about how the experience would impact the people around me. I learned that I would rather deal with anxiety than guilt.  Is that wrong?

I even tried to justify my thoughts by grouping them into the 'just planning for every scenario' category.  They became part of the planning process, but is it healthy to have so much anxiety?  And what does the fact that I worry so much say about my level of faith in the Lord?

As I was searching in the scriptures looking for the Lord's thoughts on anxiety I came across Philippians 4:6-7. 

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Wouldn't it be nice to "be careful for nothing"! Is it even possible?  Apparently it is or the Lord wouldn't say it!  So how do we achieve the peace of God? The words prayer, supplication, thanksgiving, requests, understanding, hearts and minds seemed to answer that question.  I need to pray humbly, with gratitude when I make requests for understanding that would change my heart and mind (thoughts).

Changing the way I think intrigued me.  So I sat down and wrote out my current anxiety thinking pattern and then tried to find the faith thinking pattern.  Here is what I came up with:

Anxiety thinking: Will I have enough money? 

Faith thinking:  When I seek God and His ways, I can count on Him to provide what I need.

Anxiety thinking: Am I being a good wife?

Faith thinking:  When I learn how to love according to God's ways, I will know that I am truly loving my spouse. God will bring to pass His purposes in my marriage.

Anxiety thinking: Is my current job where I need to be?

Faith thinking: When I live according to God's ways, He provides the job He wants me to have.

Anxiety thinking:  Am I allowing God to work through me?

Faith thinking:  When God knows I am ready to serve Him, He will open the door. He gives my family and me peace about it.

Anxiety thinking: Should I worry about my health issues?

Faith thinking:  My life is in God's hands. He decides the state of my health and only He knows the timing of my life. My every breath and heartbeat is a gift from God. God is with me.

Anxiety thinking:  Am I being a good parent?

Faith thinking:  When I am focused on loving, teaching, and guiding my children as God would, then I am truly a parent.  I understand that God brings to pass His purposes in their lives and I am there to support them.

Wow!  What awesome power there is in faith thinking!  There is such simplicity and clarity that comes with thinking the way God would. And yes, I felt the peace of God with me as I turned my worries into faith statements, probably because I was not letting anxiety rule my life, but instead let faith lead me. 

My faith thinking journey has led me to feel more confident in my decisions.  The choices are easier to make and stand behind when you know that you arrived at them through faith. The realization that God has got your back when you do what He asks, is totally empowering. Can you think of a better ally to have?

I am sure that anxiety thinking will continue to challenge my faith thinking, this is human nature after all, but this exercise in changing my thought process has made a huge impact on me.  I have learned that I have the power to control the amount of anxiety in my life with my faith. My worries can only control me if I allow them too.The strength that comes when I show my faith far outweighs the power of my worries. 

Faith has become a tool for me to utilitze in my battle against anxiety.  I can grap faith by the handle and apply it to every situation or tomorrow that comes.  And I can do it, knowing that when I do, it will bring the peace of God. 

  

Looking for the Atonement

The Atonement

If there is one topic that I love to learn about it is the Atonement. I have studied it many times and each time I am blessed with a little more understanding of the impact it can have on an individuals life. I am always impressed with the amount of love it took for Christ to finish the work that He had been sent here to do. I am equally impressed with the amount of love that is shown in each person who partakes of the healing power of the atonement. It is truly one of those situations where we are made strong in our weaknesses.

I have a dear friend who, when confronted with another person's sins, made this statement, "I hope to see the Atonement at work in their lives." I loved that statement and had thought to myself that if I were to write about the atonement that it would be a great starting point. Unfortunately, when Easter came and the topic of the atonement was at the fore front of my mind, I found myself distracted by the topic of Mary and the Atonement. This too is a great topic, but it was not what I was to write about. I was struggling to write my blog, the words just wouldn't flow. Then I had lunch with my friend and she made the same statement again and it brought about one of those cartoon moments, you know the one I'm talking about, when the light bulb appears over the characters head. I knew what I had to do. How grateful I am for the kind heart of my friend!

I was set. I would spend the next week looking for examples of the atonement at work in the lives of the people around me. Then I would write about what I had observed. I prayed each day that the Lord would bless me with the eyes to see the atonement in those that I came in contact with. I don't think I fully understood what this week would do for me personally. I have been truly blessed this last week to see the blessings of the atonement in so many ways and to reflect on how much the atonement means to me.

Two Sisters
Two ladies came into the distribution center smiling and laughing. It was obvious from the first moment you saw them that they were best friends. They teased each other, laughed together, and even finished each others sentences. One of the ladies said, "If you couldn't tell we are sisters." Although their appearances were quite different, their sisterly bond was easily recognizable. I asked if they had always been so close. Their reply was a great lesson for me in the power of the atonement.

They had not always liked each other, in fact, there had been many struggles for forgiveness between them. There were many missed moments because of the things that they had used to build walls around them. However, in their journey together they came to realize that they needed each other and that life was just too hard without the other. So they "chose each other" over anger and bitterness. What a great way to think about forgiveness! They each repented and have moved forward with their relationship ever since.

I pondered that statement over the week and how it could apply to me. It was a reminder that when I choose to apply the atonement in my own life I am choosing the Lord over my sins. But more importantly, I need to remember to move forward with my relationship with God. Just as these two sisters have worked on their relationship with the each other I need to put effort into building a stronger relationship with God so that I too can smile at, laugh with, and think like the Lord. I too find that life is just too hard without Him!

The Couple
A couple came in for last minute preparations for their sealing and as usual I congratulated them. It was obvious that they were very excited about this amazing event that was about to change their lives. As I was helping them, they begin to share with me why this day meant so much to them. Their story touched my heart.

They had been married in a civil ceremony "four kids ago" is how she described it. It had not started the way she had dreamed of as a little girl, she was pregnant with their first child and so they got married. She had been raised in the church, but had fallen away as a teenager. As their family grew, she began to feel like they needed to teach their children about God. So she talked with her Bishop, started the repentance process, and began taking her family to church. Her husband had not wanted to attend at first, and would not attend the church for years.

Then one day he decided to try it. He told her that it was because he had seen the change in her and the kids and wanted to see what it would do for him. Soon he was taking the missionary discussions and was baptized, which led them to be with me on this particular day. They had been working on getting their lives in order and preparing for their temple sealing for 10 years. She had tears in her eyes as she expressed the joy that she was feeling. Her husband wrapped his arms around her, gently kissed her head, and whispered that he loved her. It was obvious that this had been a long, hard journey for them, but one that they both wanted to share with each other. As they left, I couldn't help but think about how this sweet family was going to be blessed because of their mother's desire to partake of the atonement.

Their story made me think about how powerful the atonement is and the hope it brings to peoples lives. Without the atonement they would have been stagnant, unable to repent and progress. Instead, this couple and their children will now have the blessing of being an eternal family. There is no end to the blessings of the atonement!

The Alcoholic
My last story is that of a man who has had to overcome an addiction to alcohol. When I asked for his recommend he opened his wallet to pull it out and realized that his AA card was placed on top of it. He seemed embarrassed, even though I didn't say a thing. I'm not sure why, but he felt like he needed to explain himself, so he told me his story.

He had developed a taste for alcohol in his younger years and found himself an alcoholic in his late twenties. He struggled with his marriage, keeping jobs, and at one point had lost everything he had ever loved. When he thought he had hit the lowest point possible, two young missionaries from the church would visit him and teach him about the gospel. What they had to say touched his heart and he knew that he needed to get help. He was introduced to the Bishop and found a great friend in this man. Together they would work through the repentance process and get him the needed help for his addiction. He looked at me with a sense of pride as he said, "I have been alcohol-free for over 20 years."

I felt that I needed to let him know that I did not judge him, but that I was very grateful that he had shared his story of the atonement at work in his life. I have never suffered from an addiction, so I can only testify to the damage it causes in someone else's life from witnessing it in the lives of my friends and loved ones. His story strengthened my belief that all things can be overcome through Christ and I appreciated his openness. He hugged me, said thanks for listening, and waved as the door closed behind him. I hope he comes to visit again.

What a great week of looking for the atonement! By the end of the week I was feeling once again spiritually filled and able to deal with life's problems with a clearer view of what is important and what is not. I had been the recipient of many of these wonderful moments and felt like the Lord had put each one of these people in my life to lift me up. I am acutely aware that I found these moments because I was ACTIVELY LOOKING for them. I had let the world get in the way of seeing the atonement in my own life, so it was a ginormous blessing from the Lord to see it in the lives of those around me. A kick in the pants to help me get my perspective back.

I went back to the scriptures and read John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." There is such power in these words. I hope you will take the time this week to look for the atonement at work in your life and if you don't see it there, just take a look around you!

Wouldn't It be Great If...

The Rantings of a Frustrated Woman

So the last few weeks have been filled with some spiritual challenges.  My life is being impacted, in a negative way, by some of the people in my life and I find myself saying these words over and over:  What is the Christian thing to do?

The problem is, as a Christian, I am expected to do the right thing in EVERY situation.  I am an example to everyone around me, but honestly, there are times when I wish that I could say and do what I am really thinking!  I know this might say a lot about where my heart is right now, but I just need to have a little writing therapy and then hopefully I can move on. 

I think I would like to start my writing with the following prompt:

Wouldn't it be great if...

people did what they said they would do!  At least then I could count on some sort of action! If you say you are going to be there, then be there.  If you say you are going to do something, then do it.  People are counting on you and when you don't do your part you let more than one person down!

people would stop lying.  I hate being lied to! I would much rather have hurt feelings and the truth, than having to constantly question what is being said to me. If people don't want to tell me the truth because they believe it would hurt my feelings, then they should opt to say nothing rather than lie.  Don't they understand that when they lie to me they hurt my feelings far more than if they would have just told me the truth.   

people would take responsibility for their actions.  We become accountable at a young age so by the time we are adults you would think we would have learned how to do this!  Blaming others is juvenile and just plain wrong.  It isn't the job of anyone but you to take the fall for your mistakes.  Besides, it seems to me that if you take responsibility for your actions people are far more likely to forgive you and move on.

people wouldn't be so selfish.  How much nicer would the world be if people thought of others?  The 'it's all about me' attitude gets old quick.  Newsflash: IT"S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!  There are other people in your life that need you to think about them and to be there for them.  Put your needs aside and do something for someone else.  You might just find that you will have more friends if you do.

people would really listen.  This is one of my biggest frustrations! So much can be learned if we just stop and really listen.  There are some very wise people in the world and there are some really stupid people in the world, if you learn to listen you will quickly learn how to identify both!

people wouldn't judge each other.  So much hurt happens when we compare ourselves to each other.  The only standard for which we should strive to live comes from a higher source.  Be the best you possible and let others be the best them possible.  It's about building up, not tearing down.

people really learned how to love!  Not the type of love the media feeds them or their friends tell them about, but the type of love that makes you want to be the best person you can be for the people around you.  

people could see the blessings in what they have.  When will the need for more possessions, money, and popularity ever end?  The realization that things will be tough sometimes seems like the end of the world now-a-days.  What happened to the ability to sacrifice and to see the blessings in every situation?  Has it been bred out of us?  It's part of growing up people, learn to deal with it!

Well I think I have ranted long enough.  I do feel a little better, maybe liberated is the better word choice.  I have been thinking and praying over these things for weeks, searching for the right words, questioning what is the best course to take to deal with these issues. I know it's not ground breaking, but writing them down did help.  I admit that a part of me still thinks; wouldn't it be great if it all just went away, but it's a much smaller part of me now than before I started!