The Feeling of Dread

Holy Ghost

Lately I've been thinking about the times when the Spirit has prompted me to do something and my reaction is not what is described as feelings of comfort and peace, but instead, I am overcome with a feeling of dread.  Maybe you have experienced it too. It's that nervous feeling you get and your stomach turns, you're scared, and you try to come up with all sorts of reasons NOT to do what you are being asked to do.  Does that make me a bad Christian?

I know that the Lord asks us to do things that seem beyond our capabilities or don't make sense at the time, but it seems like no one wants to talk about the feelings they have when it brings discomfort instead of peace. It's like there's something wrong with you if you question what you are being asked to do. People make you feel like you don't have enough faith.

Fortunately, the scriptures are filled with stories of God asking His children to take a giant leap of faith and trust Him; to step beyond their own reason and do what He asks, even if it doesn't make sense at the time. He has given us plenty of examples to follow.

One of my favorite examples of this is the story of Nephi and Laban.  Nephi has been sent to get the brass plates from Laban.  However, Laban is not going to give them up without a fight.  When Nephi stumbles upon a drunken Laban he is told to slay him. It is obvious that Nephi is not feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.  Instead the scriptures tell us, "And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him?" (1 Ne 4:10) 

As one author put it, "Nephi was horrified at the prospect of having to kill his kinsman, but he had to have the plates so he could fulfill a portion of his life mission--a mission that he did not fully understand at that point." (Randal A Wright Achieving Your Life Mission)

What about Mary, the Mother of Jesus? What was her reaction to the news that she would give birth to the Son of God?

When Gabriel spoke to Mary, her first reaction was to be a little disturbed.  Luke says that Mary was "greatly troubled" --filled with inner commotion and turmoil (Luke 1:28-29). Who could blame her? I think most of us would have been freaked out by an angel visiting us, let alone the message that you would bear God's son.

Then there is Moses in the Old Testament, who when God called him to lead His people out of Egypt, responded with, "Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?" (Exodus 3:11)

How about the men that were asked to leave their sick families and travel across the world to preach the gospel.  The Spirit had confirmed their need to go, but still the brethren used words like "difficulty", "it felt as though my very inmost parts would melt within me", "I felt as though I could not endure it" in their journals to describe their feelings (Life of Heber C. Kimball).  This was a tough thing they were being asked to do and it did not bring them comfort and peace.

These are just a few examples; the scriptures are filled with many more. With so many examples of feeling uncomfortable when prompted by the Spirit you would think that people would talk about it more.  Instead, there is a fear of judgment that comes with expressing feelings of dread regarding spiritual promptings.  There is a fear that people will think you are less spiritual or less committed to God's cause if you aren't gung ho about everything He asks you to do.  It is unrealistic to think that we should never feel apprehension when dealing with God.  Prophets have struggled with it since Old Testament times.

I don't think it makes someone a bad Christian because they want to ponder on a prompting instead of jump right in.  Sometimes the process of finding out for ourselves is just as important as the task that needs to be done. 

So what are we supposed to do when we have such a reaction to the whisperings of the Spirit?

I think step one is not to focus on the fact that we aren't feeling warm and fuzzy inside about a prompting from the Spirit, but to ask ourselves what are we going to do about it?

Really, we have two choices: Do it or don't do it. Either way we have to consider that we will have to live with the consequences of that choice.  Take a minute and think about the examples that I listed above.  What would have happened had Nephi not taken the leap of faith and killed Laban?  What if Mary was too afraid and said no? What if Moses had given up on the children of Israel?  What if the missionaries hadn't shared the gospel with all those families?  What would happen if you decided not to follow the prompting?  Would it make a difference in the lives of those around you?

When I realize that whatever the Lord is asking me to do is bigger than me, and has the opportunity to change another's life, it seems easier to take the leap of faith. I have often asked myself, "Is fear a good enough reason not to do something?"

After I have pondered the consequences I take it to the Lord in prayer.  Most of my experiences have ended with a confirmation that I really do need to do it, but there have been times when, like Nephi, Mary, Moses, and the missionaries, I have just had to do it and hope that the Lord will cover any weaknesses that I might have.  When I lack enough strength of my own, it is through their stories that I find the strength to move forward. 

Over the years, and with each experience, it has gotten easier to follow the promptings of the Spirit.  However, every once in a while a situation comes up that throws me off and those feelings of dread reappear. I've decided it's okay to have these experiences, because the process of working through it brings me closer to God, and isn't that the real goal of every good Christian?