Children as Spiritual Teachers

Motherhood

As the mother of two sons I have come to accept the fact that Mother's Day will never by a day of mushy sentiment.  It's not that they don't love me, they do, in there guy way. They tell me that they love me often and hug me every day, what more could a mother ask for?  I don't know, maybe a nice poem or letter filled with all the reasons they love me so much.  Asking for a written expression of their feelings seems like asking them to have their teeth pulled! 

They are more about doing than saying.  This year they helped me with my latest landscaping project and they worked together to make me dinner.  I loved it.  The sacrifice of their time means a lot to me and I know that yard work is not on their top ten list of fun things to do.  Yet, a part of me really wanted to hear them SAY the reasons that they were willing to gift me some of their time.

I tried to be sneaky and prompt them to talk about their feelings for me, it didn't work.  "Mom, I do it because I love you isn't that enough?" was the response I received which would have been great had it not been followed by, "If you wanted the mushy stuff you should have had girls!"

As I contemplated ways to help them understand a woman's desire to hear words of love expressed to them, an idea came to me: teach by example.  I would write a letter to them expressing why I love being their mother.  This exercise took me back twenty plus years and helped me realize that my children have been some of my best spiritual teachers. I am the woman I am today because of the experiences that we have shared.  As much as I have done for them, they have done more for me.

Here are some of the spiritual lessons my children have helped me learn:

 I Can Endure Many Things  

"...we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things." (Article of Faith 13).
 
This is a lesson that started before pregnancy.  As a couple we struggled with infertility for years before getting pregnant.  So many doctors appointments, pills, tests and procedures were done to help us get pregnant and all of it was uncomfortable.  We were set on having a baby and I was willing to go through anything necessary to achieve that goal.  I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world.  I loved my boys even before I knew them.

Finally I was pregnant! Unfortunately, pregnancy was not kind to me.  My body did not do well with another human being inside of it. I had some serious complications which required a lot of bed rest (which is not easy for me) and a lot more doctor's appointments, pills and tests and procedures.  Physically, mentally and emotionally this was a tough time.

Then came the big day! One of the greatest lessons that I learned from childbirth is that I can endure a lot of pain.  I was in hard labor (a minute apart) for twenty-five hours with my first child.  I was physically and mentally spent by the time the doctors were telling me to push.  Where the heck was I going to get the energy to push! 

It is amazing what the power of love can do for you.  I couldn't wait to meet this little person that God had sent me.  I learned a lot about myself in those moments: I can do hard things, love is a great motivator for me, and I count on God for a lot.

Through the years I have learned to endure through countless sleepless nights, doctors visits, emergency room visits, missed curfews, breakups, and a plethora of other opportunities that come with being a parent, especially of two boys. I not only learned to endure, but to endure well. Thank you boys for teaching me how to make the most out of enduring.

Finding Joy

"Men are that they might have joy" (2 Ne. 2:25)

Besides their father, no one can make me laugh like my boys.  I have laughed until I cried with them and I have even laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants.  They have a way of knowing when I need to lighten up and they take full advantage of it!

There is something about joyous laughter that makes the world a better place.  It puts things in perspective. The world has a way of loading problem after problem upon us until we are so heavy with burdens that it is hard to find the joy in life.  It is a gift to be able to see the humor in the situation. 

My boys can take even the most awkward situations and make them funny. There is one downside to this though, it is super hard to discipline a child when they are so funny.  I try to be stern, but somehow they end up making me laugh. Discipline by laughter, is that effective? Maybe they are onto some new parenting technique! In spite of the downside I am so grateful for this gift of theirs.  It is contagious and even today when I hear my boys laugh out loud it makes me smile.  Thank you boys for reminding me that life is meant to be joyful.

Love

"Love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34; John 15:12, 17; Moses 7:33).

It is through my children that I have learned to love unconditionally.  Even on their most grumpy days I still love them and want to wrap my arms around them and tell them so. I don't think that there are too many other people in my life that I feel that way about. 

They have puked on me, yelled at me, walked away from me, made me so angry that I wanted to cry (and did), but through it all I still love them. How is that possible?  I don't fully understand the ability to love someone unconditionally, but still I find myself doing it when it comes to my sons. It is the most powerful and joyful feeling that I have ever experienced and it makes me want to love others more.  

Another benefit is that I have learned to let others love me unconditionally.  Even on my most grumpy days they still love me.  Why would they do that?  I don't understand that part of it either, but I am sure grateful that I have experienced it.  There are days when I lean on the knowledge that my boys will love me even though I am imperfect.  Their expression of Christ-like love for me gives me the strength to do the same for others.  Thank you boys for loving me so much.

Forgiveness

“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” (D&C 58:42)

Since that moment twenty something years ago when I found out that I was pregnant I have wanted to be the perfect mother. I read all the books and articles, I watched all the videos about parenting, and I sought advice from mothers that I admired. Still I made, and still make, mistakes.  I have worried about the things that I have said or done that might have scarred my children psychologically for life. What mother doesn't?  But I have also learned that it is important to remember that I was doing the best that I could with what I knew at the time.

I have said, "I'm sorry; I will do better next time" so many times to my boys that I have lost count. Somehow, through all the mistakes I've made, my boys still find it in their hearts to forgive me.  Not just forgive me, but to remember them no more.  I think this is one of the blessings of having boys, they really don't hold grudges and as long as they know that I love them, no matter what, they stick by me, even when I make the big mistakes.

Because of their willingness to forgive me so freely, I too have found it easier to forgive them.  Not just them, but other people in general.  This has been a tremendous blessing in my life.  It has given me the ability to forgive and move on.  I am eternally grateful for this lesson that my children have taught me.  It has made life so much richer. Thank you boys for being so generous with your forgiveness.

These are just a few of the spiritual lessons that my children have taught me.  There is not enough room on a blog post to cover all of the lessons I've learned from them. A lifetime of lessons would take up many pages.

I would like to close with this quote::

"Children come into this world, knowing everything we need to know to live a happy and fulfilled life. It is only as they get older that they learn different messages from society and lose touch with that magic they were born with." (Caz Makepeace)

Thank you boys for sharing your knowledge of happiness with me over the years. You have not lost the magic you were born with, it might have been hidden every now and then, but it is definitely there. I hope you will continue to teach me for many years to come, and yes, loving me is enough!  I love you!