Am I Worth It?

Self and Individual Worth

How do I define my worth?

For many years I was a stay at home mom.  Although I knew that I was doing exactly what the Lord wanted me to do, I felt a sense of letting the world down.  Many times when people would ask me what I did for a job I would state, "I am a stay at home mom."  Their disappointment was obvious from the looks on their faces.  You know the look, head tilted to one side, chin down, their eyes looking down the slope of their nose at you.  Then to  make sure that you completely understood their disappointment they would say something like, "Oh, that's nice." 

Sadly, there were times when I wished that I had said something else just to avoid the look and conversation that followed. As the boys got older the disappointment seemed to grow.  The common response was, "Your boys are old enough to take care of themselves. It's time for you to do something productive."  Ugh!  I thought being a mother was one of the most productive jobs in the world!  People just didn't get it.

After years of persevering through these moments I became somewhat immune to them.  Unfortunately, my husband would be subjected to ridicule for being married to a stay at home mom.  "Why doesn't your wife get a job?" or "She just sits around eating bonbons all day while you are working?" are just a few of the lines that my husands coworkers used.  I think it hurt me more that they tried to make him feel bad about the choice we had made when our children were born to have a parent at home with them.  I worried that he would believe what people told him and that in his eyes my worth would be diminished.   He is a good man, and although I know that he had his moments of frustration, he stood up for me.  In those moments I would think to myself, "Am I worth it? Am I worthy of his defense?"  These two questions would come to help me understand how I value myself. 

When my boys were teenagers I would be called to be a seminary teacher in my church.  This experience would forever change my love for the scriptures and for myself.  For the first time in my life I would study the scriptures so intensely that the impact on me would be profound.  I began to better understand who I am, why my life is the way it is, and how much I am loved. 

I think it was the study of the Atonement that affected my self worth the most.  As I studied the last week of Christ's earthly life, I found myself overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. Reading about His suffering in D&C 19:16-19 brought me to tears:

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit--and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink--Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men."

Why would Christ do this for me?

"Remember that the worth of a soul is great in the sight of God" (D&C 18:10)

This brought two questions to my mind: Am I worth it? and Am I worthy of His defense? 

This has become the standard for which I base my self and individual worth.  Am I living a life to be worthy of the sacrifice He made for me?  When I stand before God to be judged and Christ stands as my advocate, will I deserve the efforts that He is putting forth?  This is what motivates me to be the best me I can be; God's love for me.  Nothing else matters.  What the world thinks of me will not matter in the end.  What will matter is how true to God I have been.  Am I loving God back as much as He loves me?  I don't know if that is possible, but I do know that He will take into account the intent of my heart when my mortal limitations step in. 

I am the child of a God that loves me enough to send His son to die for me.  He thinks I am worth it, so should I.  Saint Augustine said, "God loves each of us as if there were only one of us."  I know this to be true.  What an amazing thought to carry with you throughout the day! 

What difference would it make in your life if you learned to know this for yourself? You have self worth, you are worth it.  This knowledge will not take away your trials or hardships, but it may give you a different perspective in which to see them.  Knowing that you are worth His sacrifice can help you understand your importance to God's plan and give you the strength to withstand the condescending looks from people that don't even understand their own worth, yet are judging yours. 

Are you worth it?  The answer is an emphatic YES!